Its my 4oth Birthday.
Now, there really isn’t some crazy sense of mid life madness tossing me about into any sort of crisis. I’m not buying a red sports car, not giving myself a perm, or taking jazzercise classes. Nothing like that….all I can really do is sit back and go, “What the HELL just happened? I was 28 a few years ago! Wasn’t I? Wasn’t I?” Mercy, the time does zoom by quickly.
This last year wasn’t as rough on the boots as it was on the heart. The year before last I was struggling to find a place to live, substantial food. I was truly struggling just to survive. This last year I was struggling with my heart, struggling to finally rid myself of people who made me feel inadequate, but who then would give me reason why. I struggled with the idea that there are members of my family with whom I wish to never speak again. I struggled with the loss of friends. I struggled with loneliness and depression. I struggled with why I had to explain to people why I wasn’t a practicing professional in the right social circle. Why I knit teddy bears.
But, here on the eve of 40, I’m dismissing all of that. I’m taking into my birthday other things. The thankfulness that I do have a place to live and that I don’t struggle to eat. ok, ok, so its beans and rice and awful lot, but hell I’m thankful for it! I’m thankful that as I turn 40 there are people all over the planet that genuinely like me, who make me feel valued. I’m thankful that I know the difference between family and relatives, and they are not necessarily the same thing. I’m thankful for the family I’ve started cultivating across the globe. I’ m thankful for the 40 years up to here, and would gladly accept 40 more if the Good Lord will let me.
I’m gonna spend the day playing croquet.
Throughout December I received a couple of emails from people asking if they could send Mario and I a little something for Christmas. If you’d like to send a birthday gift, I thought I’d put up the donate button. There’s always little things we need.
Or you could get yourself a teddy bear!
Here’s to 40 runs around the sun!