Coffee and Catfood

Good morning. Its just of 5:30am. I actually slept in for a minute or two. It was just too cozy under those covers. But, I had to get up, get out of bed and see if this little guy had sold yet. Sadly, he hadn’t even though I was so sure he would have by now. I listed him two days and he still hasn’t found a home yet. If I don’t sell something in a day, I can manage. But, after two days, things start to get scary, especially with coffee and cat food running low and I get a final notice from the electric company. Until we get caught up with Phillip’s paycheck, we still rely on what I sell everyday to keep things moving along, and keep us afloat. And when we get this close to disconnect, I get so very nervous.

So, if you’d like to take this bear home, click here. Or maybe you’d like to read one of my books on your tablet or phone? Or maybe some yarn? You can find them here. 

I imagine thats it for now. I’m really hoping to meet my goal today.

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Embracing Your Little Old Lady

I had a lovely day. I embraced my little old lady…..Man, when you write it down, it does sound sort of profane, doesn’t it? Well, I think if you can embrace your inner child, you should be able to embrace your little old lady. It was cool out, but sunny, so I had an afghan on over my shoulders. At some point I saw the thermometer say that it was 70 degrees. I shivered.  I pulled out my knitting, got to work while watching “Mother Angelica Live.” Then later I busted out some “Driving Miss Daisy,” while sipping vegetable soup, dipping tiny portions of bread into the broth. Then I wrote a letter to a friend (yes, an actual letter on paper, using a pen, requiring cursive, needing an envelope, in desperate need of a stamp). Afterwards, I put the classical music channel on the radio, rested on the couch for a short spell, cat napping while….well, a cat napped in my lap. Upon refreshment, I rose, wrapping the afghan over my shoulders and made myself a cup of tea, scanned through the headlines of the daily news remarking to myself what my husband would think of such stories. Then I peeked through the medicine cabinet, found the Nivea and moisturized, waited for my husband to come home, to hear about his day, made him dinner, and now I’m waiting for “Jeopardy!” to begin.

Oh, I guess if embracing your inner child is a way to rekindle the joy and innocence of youth (according to your own perceptions), then I imagine embracing your little old lady is some sort of wishful thinking of life to come in the years ahead of us. My perceptions were comfort and care. That was what I was embracing. Simplicity, warmth.

I thought of “Honeychurch,” the name of the place Phillip and I hopefully will have one day. Now, don’t be fooled and think we want some grand estate. It could be an old trailer tucked in the woods, and we’d call it “Honeychurch.” But, the pervasive feeling I had today was to focus on what I wanted life to become. I yearn for life to become a solid reconciliation of the past, a humble embrace of the present, a quiet stride into the future; to be content and comforted, to keep tempests at bay, to find solace and peace in the warm sip from a mug and the awaited face of my beloved. And the next inclination is to say, “We’ll get there one day. I know we will….”

But, the truth is, today was testament that we are already there….

I have this little bear for you. Made with purpose…..made with purpose. He REALLY needs a home (which is code for, we really need the money). If you’d like to bring him home, click here.

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Stay Warm, Ya’ll!

Well, my stash is nearly cleared out. I still have to keep going towards the end of the month because I have to make rent, of course, so I’m going to get nice and creative soon. I’m going to see what a bear looks like with sock yarn! I’m so looking forward to seeing how that works out. 🙂 In the meantime, I have this little bear, who is one of a kind, made up with the last of that mystery superwash wool that I had in my collection. This little guy is going to help us pay the electric bill, along with some hardcover copies of my children’s book that I still had. Have you read “The Teddy Bear That Saved Me?” Adorable little book that will make you laugh and cry, and reinforce bravery. There are only five hardcover copies, so be sure to snag one quick. I’m not sending them media mail, but First Class instead, so they can get where they need to be pronto. You can find the bear here, and the books here. 

On the vocal front, although I was able to hear my voice nearly clearly the other day, I still have no intention of speaking until the 17th, as was ordered, just to make sure the my throat is healing properly. Outside of that, the weather is chilly, I’m loving the few days a year we get to wear bulky sweaters, and loving all the homemade soup everywhere.

Stay warm, ya’ll!

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And Now for Some Good News

Ok, so this happened about an hour ago. You do realize I haven’t spoken in six days…..that was until today. Phillip and I were decorating our Christmas Boxwood. We were calling it our Christmas bush, but kept giggling every time we called it that. You know how boys are….

And in the midst of all of that, I inadvertently blurted something out. I don’t recall what it was, don’t even remember if it was important. But, it was terrifyingly God awful. It came out barely a whisper, a shouted silence, a scratching hint at something called a voice. And after six days, you can imagine we were dismayed. We both looked at each other. Silence wasn’t going to help my voice. After this long, this attempt was not going to work. We went back to decorating our Christmas tree. I silently smiled as the adorable little thing came to life. Our tree was resembling something of  small Edwardian carnival, all by accident. All by using what we had. But the silence in the room tainted something greater. Where there should be laughter, there was none. Where there should be joyous song, only the clinking of ornaments to where they were hung were sung.

We sat back, spied on our little blythe of a bush….and something shifted. Yes, in these last two months with no voice I sat solemn, walked with an arched back, looked downward. But tonight, I stood with posture firm. Reaffirmed my diaphragm. And said with some clarity I have not known in eight weeks, “What if I changed the timber and tone of my voice? What if…..”

YES! You could hear me. YOU COULD HEAR ME! It sounded so nearly as my own voice.

Phillip looked to me with wide eyes, “Holy shit…..That sounded like you!!!”

We tried it again, as some experiment. I sat in a chair, used my lungs. No good. Voice was horrible. I strengthened my back, utilized my diaphragm and BOOM you could hear me speak, albeit sounding slightly labored, you could hear me in a voice that was closer to mine than silence. Phillip says I sound deeper than I used to, but I was clear, loud, so different than the last eight weeks.

I actually began to cry. I had been so terrified that this was a condition that would last for the rest of my life, and I had resigned to that, surely. I wasn’t mad. Just a little sad. Worse things could have happened. (*and someone said to me recently, “isn’t losing your voice for a short while NORMAL after having a little cold?” Lady, are you serious? Two months ain’t a little time…..)

SO! I’m in an exceptionally good mood. I’m not going to go around reciting passages from my favorite books. I’ll keep the throat warm, keep on with my therapies for the next week, talk only when necessary, but it was just such a promising victory that I had to share. I could HEAR myself. 🙂 I’ll post a video tomorrow, can’t now for its already dark, and we’re ready for our “Chili and Movie Night.”

Yay! Perhaps it was my tenacity….perhaps it was your prayers and well wishes. 🙂

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Raspberries, Blueberries, Strawberries and Creme

Desperate for some cash under our belts VERY soon, I got up at about 4am this morning, ripping through the last of my stash.

I’m more of a solids kind of guy, so I was overlooking the multicolored, variegated yarns. But, I had used this yarn to make scarves for my “How About Some Purple,” bears and loved the way the colorway blocked. So, I got right to it. By 9am, he was finished. And all I could think was, how splendidly the colors reminded me of some kind of raspberry, blueberry, strawberry and creme deliciousness. So, here is. A one of a kind. There might be enough of that skein to use for making a mock sweater and hat on another bear, but this definitely the only one of his kind.  If you’d like to adopt him, click here.

I am so looking forward to the turning towards a chill in the weather tonight! Its a lovely 75 now…..we’ll be dropping into the 30’s by tomorrow night. What an awesome time to knit 🙂

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#PhilKilledaChristmasTree

If its just me and Phillip at home, there really is no need to play charades, or pull out my memo pad to speak to him. I have my handy dandy sticky notes on my laptop and I’ll just type out real quickly “TAPPITY TAP TAP,” and he can just read what I’m trying to say.

He mentioned to me earlier that he had read how he had “killed” last year’s Christmas tree. If you aren’t aware, last year a very good friend of ours sent us this beautiful LIVING tree in the mail. And after Christmas we took it outside, Phillip tended to it, and just a month ago it died. I asked all TAPPITY TAP TAP, “Is the old Christmas tree outside withering to its death?” Because you know, he’ll refuse to let plants go. Oh, they’ll be turning to compost and breaking into compounds before your eyes and he’ll say, “I think I can save it.”

He replied, “No….I…,” ok, imagine a very dramatic inhale, eyes closed, hands clasped before chest, “….I got rid of it.”

“I was devastated,” Phillip said. “I’m not sure if it was my fault or….the poor thing just couldn’t handle Orlando.” In his defense, Phillip is a tremendously good gardener, and for him to lose a plant is something that just really upsets him.

But, he was about to head for work, ready in his uniform for Prime Rib night at the restaurant. And no matter what I’ve tried (my memo pad, lip reading, basic sign language, smoke signals, Morse code, interpretive dance), my wonderful man still reads things his own way.

The note explains the rest 🙂

See? We’re finding comical moments in our weird little vow of silence to save my voice. It isn’t so terrible. He actually said, “I could handle this for another 40 years. I mean, you can’t nag!” And then we laugh. You HAVE to look for the humor in setbacks, and even more so, the person you are with for life must have the same principle. These moments are just another testament that I married the right man. 🙂

We now complete day 4 of 14 of my attempt not to speak. Not bad. I dread day 7 or 10 when my will to speak will get the best of me, but for now, we’re good!

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Baby, Its Cold Outside

Ok, well not YET, but it will be this weekend! You see, its a delightful 75 degrees today, but a cold front is coming through Saturday which will plummet the thermometer down into the 50’s during the day, and the 30’s at night. So, whats the big deal? Saturday is Phillip’s day off. So, I’m looking forward to cleaning up the apartment, then decorating our Christmas “tree.” We can’t afford an actual tree, and even if I could, I can’t see myself dumping $50 on a tree. $50???!!!! Nonsense. They said there were fewer trees this year than before, hence the price hike. Whatever.

 

So, instead of a Christmas “tree,” we are bringing in a really nice potted boxwood from outside, set it up on some wooden crates and decorate it with our rather nice and simple ornaments we got from last year at the Dollar Store. (A VERY good friend of ours mailed us a LIVE tree last year and it did very well all year….until Phillip killed it about a month ago. Sorry, Poppy!) I think it will make a perfectly fine little Christmas “tree.”

After we decorate the boxwood, we’re going to plop on the couch, pile on some afghans, chow on some chili, and enjoy our little movie night, cold air outside, warm hearts inside. I’m really looking forward to it. Who doesn’t love cozy this time of year? And on the vocal front, I STILL haven’t broke, still haven’t spoke. Three days down, eleven more to go…wooo!

 

I knit up this little bear last night to commemorate the occasion. If you’d like to adopt him, click here. He’s going to go towards our own little Christmas here, after we pay the bills, so we’d love to find him a home VERY soon. 🙂

 

 

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