Unfortunately, I was never blessed with the opportunity to watch your television show throughout the last 25 years, for one reason or another. However, through a series of events, I found myself watching your final show today. I have to tellyou, as a dirty-kneed man in blue jeans and soiled ball cap from south east Georgia, that I was brought to tears frequently throughout the final episode.
Many things you touched on pulled my attention, or rather I should say, pulled the attention of my SOUL to listen for a moment. The truth behind your words not only captivated me, but revealed so many truths in my life that I had continually denied. These things are far too numerous to mention, but the one that captured me to the gripping point of tears was the mercy in worthiness.
I’ve had the pleasure over the last few weeks of knitting teddy bears. And after attempting a million different things to make me feel worthy, my boney hands found themselves knitting up a teddy bear in order to simply keep from starving. Again, I have to confess, while knitting away while watching your show, that I remembered what this little teddy bear taught me: the loneliness, the sadness, the lack of self worth I felt for so long was going to be removed once these little teddy bears arrived at their destinations. Little hands somewhere in the world are going to clutch my teddy bears close, hold them tightly, and know for as long as life is possible that they have a friend.
You reminded me that the reason I knit up my little teddy bears, why I roughly put my hands to work for 10 hours a day, is not so I will feed myself, but that I’ll create a smile in the eyes of a child; that maybe my teddy bear will keep demons, monsters, loneliness and sadness at bay.
I knit more than teddy bears. I knit lifelong confidants.
So, I thank you for reminding me, with a crockpot of beans, living in a garage with a cat I would never part with, that it starts somewhere….but, for now? My reward is a teddy bear, a smile, and finally, a sense of self worth.
Thank you so much for your time.