I Will NOT Be A Statistic

Let’s start with this idea: a man cannot have peace of mind, cannot pursue a life of success, cannot return to the society that disavowed him, if he does not have a peaceful place of rest, if he does not have a home. I tell you from the bottom of my heart that much of this blog will go down with an awful lot of frustration, and there was a huge chunk of me that didn’t want to go spewing out such venom on a holiday weekend. However, I don’t want this resting on my soul any longer, I don’t want this sticking to me as I try and sleep (TRY AND SLEEP) later tonight.

I have been whipping up these teddy bears from sun-up to sun-down for days now. FOR MONTHS I’ve been pushing my way into a grander life. The corporate model pushed me away, tossed me out, knocked me to the ground and instead of becoming a statistic, another unemployed man desperately working out life on the dole, I said I would do something better. I would STRIVE with my little mind to find a way to feed myself, clothe myself (shirts are 50 cents at the Bargain Box on Wednesdays), and keep a roof over my head.

I don’t have a lot. God knows, the little I have is of some great value to me. My possessions? Books, yarn, and Mario. At some point today I made myself something to eat. Another bowl of soup. And why, do you ask? Why more soup? Becomes its sealed in a can and roaches can’t get into it. For 10 seconds I reached down to pet my little bugger of a cat only to return to a bowl of insects. I threw out the soup in aggravation, the veins in my temples pulsing with a ferocity that any fighter would have feared. To move my mind away from my troubles, I picked up a book I’m reading. “The Thorn Birds.” Yes, an old one, but a considerable one I’ve always wanted to read. There, between the binding and the spine, came three more roaches as I cracked open the book.

I’ve had enough. I will not take anymore. I was on the streets, I was living alone out in the woods, and I will not accept that through all of this hard work, all of this push and shove and want for a better life that I have been handed this. A flop house with no suitable kitchen infested with roaches only because I decided with my own tenacity to take care of myself, rather than allow myself to become a victim, or even WORSE: a statistic. Corporate America gave me the ax; my own government told me I don’t qualify for help because I’m a male in his 30’s with no child. I still have to eat. I still need a place to sleep.

I know when I started this Bear-A-Thon I had mentioned a chair and emergency money were included in the mix. FORGET IT. I want out of this madness, this filthy disgust by the end of the week. I’m now only working up bears because all I only want a clean room, a kitchen to cook in without fear of things crawling in my food, a place where I can REST AT NIGHT without swatting the roaches of my face and not have to sleep on the floor….books to read without them being eaten by roaches.

I will do whatever it takes. My hope goes south towards grimacing anguish.

20 bears to go.

I will NOT be a statistic.

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3 comments

  1. Sending you and Mario lots of love, big hugs and positive vibes. I am posting your Bear-a-Thon on my Facebook page to help get the word out about your beautiful creations. You are in my thoughts and prayers. -Rhonda

  2. Ugh, that sucks. So sorry to hear you’re having such an issue with roaches. If you haven’t already sorted it out or moved out I recently read an article online about the best ways to get rid of the little buggers… the most effective way was mixing boric acid with sugar. You can also sprinkle coffee grains outside around the house keeping them attracted outside seemingly. Here’s the article: http://www.shelterpop.com/2011/09/06/how-to-get-rid-of-roaches/
    Hope it helps!!!

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