I Miss You

My friend Mark called me earlier today and asked quite simply if everything was ok. I hadn’t posted a blog in a while, I hadn’t been out and about and I hadn’t really been in touch with too much of anyone.

It is true, I have been held up in my room for the last couple of weeks furiously knitting. But, there’s more to my silence that I feel I need to explain.

I still have a hard time, on occasion, with Peni’s death. A lot of people around Orlando know my face, know my name, and know the relationship she and I had. And its not uncommon, now that I’m back in Orlando, to be in Publix, or having a coffee at Starbucks and have someone I haven’t seen in so many years approach me and comment, “Good to see you back in town! So, how is Peni?”

Usually, I bow my head, mention she passed away, then retreat for a while into my own head, in some quite space for a few days, and wrestle with the whole situation on my own terms.

I’ve noticed my retreat more and more in the past few weeks because the anniversary of her passing comes too close to her birthday. She died on Oct. 14. Her birthday is October 20.

So, I’ve been a little withdrawn lately because one week approaches where she was given, then taken away.

She was the one who took care of me, who brought me here, who sacrificed so much to see me get SOMEWHERE SOMEDAY.

I miss her. And forgive me if on occasion I step aside while everyone’s looking away and spend a few minutes privately with her. (She’d only scold me anyway for being such a dork).

I miss you, Peni….but, I’m sure you know that.

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3 comments

  1. Gregory – I’m not going to pretend and say “I know how you feel”, but I did want to let you know that I empathize with you and your loss. My beloved Gram passed on October 14th, too – 5 years ago this month. I still occasionally run in to a long lost acquaintance who hasn’t heard the news, and its just as difficult now as it was then. Their faces sink with the realization. I’m suddenly whip-lashed back to that autumn night we said goodbye. So I’ll be thinking of you and your friend and sharing your burden as the days tick by – maybe just knowing that someone else is out here holding you in thoughts and love will make it easier to get past this sad anniversary. (((HUG)))

  2. Beloved Brother Gregory : Shalom Why Hide In Your ROOM ??? PENI Our Sister In Christ Is With GOD – HOPE – ECCLES. C. 12 Vs. 7 !!! Bless You Allways ( LOVE BOMBER ) Amen Shalom :-)(-:

  3. I cannot say I understand either, but I do know that grief it a very complex thing. I guess it is not the same for any two people, either. Do what you need to do, grieve how you need to grieve. It may well be true that Peni is in a better place, but that does not mean you will not miss her here. Hugs and blessings.

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