I’ve had some connectivity issues lately with the WiFi. Not sure if its my bloody old laptop (it has served me well over the years, I can’t bother complaining about how much of a work house it is) or if it’s simply the WiFi itself. Weak and sucked up by techie vampires nearby who know how to bleed the signal dry without you knowing. Who can say? But, here it is now, after about 4 or 5 days of it so pathetically slow I couldn’t even load my mail.
I’ll give you a run down over the last few days so you know how things have been working for me. Etsy shut down my site again for non payment. It has happened before, if you recall, back in November. I just don’t have the money for the bill. So, if you’re looking for the pattern, you can find it here on Ravelry.
I also realized, that I have allowed myself to be held captive by fear for a while now. I noticed that I hold my arms folded in front of me so tight that I can barely catch my breath. I do think its an obvious defense reaction based on the past (recent and for some things even further back), but the moment I realized how much that same defensive fear was keeping me held back, was the thing that really set me to thinking. Despite the hardships and despite the setbacks, I am fully in control of the negativity around me. I can allow myself to cut it off completely, I can decide how much of the unnecessary pain and fear is allowed to swell in my spirit and overflow into my physical life. OR I can easily plant in the contemplative part of my union with God the reminder that as above, so is below and to all things I think, all things become manifested….good and bad. So, facing the sunrise this morning I wanted to take the first initial gut reaction of depression that my Etsy site was closed and I couldn’t sell my bears…..or I could say, I will own up to my obligation, pay my bill, have my income back and take this teddy bear business to new heights I never dreamed possible…..and THAT’S it in a nutshell….If I FEEL its possible, if I THINK its possible, then it WILL happen, not MIGHT happen, but will happen….and if I allow dark negativity around me to tell me its not going to happen, then its time to let them go.
Oh! If you want to read the PDF version of “MAD MAN KNITTING-or-The Waiter and the Fly” for free, you can download it here. Just maybe toss a few dollars to donate?