Connect Above to Sort Out Below

I’ve had some connectivity issues lately with the WiFi. Not sure if its my bloody old laptop (it has served me well over the years, I can’t bother complaining about how much of a work house it is) or if it’s simply the WiFi itself. Weak and sucked up by techie vampires nearby who know how to bleed the signal dry without you knowing. Who can say? But, here it is now, after about 4 or 5 days of it so pathetically slow I couldn’t even load my mail.

I’ll give you a run down over the last few days so you know how things have been working for me. Etsy shut down my site again for non payment. It has happened before, if you recall, back in November. I just don’t have the money for the bill. So, if you’re looking for the pattern, you can find it here on Ravelry.

I also realized, that I have allowed myself to be held captive by fear for a while now. I noticed that I hold my arms folded in front of me so tight that I can barely catch my breath. I do think its an obvious defense reaction based on the past (recent and for some things even further back), but the moment I realized how much that same defensive fear was keeping me held back, was the thing that really set me to thinking. Despite the hardships and despite the setbacks, I am fully in control of the negativity around me. I can allow myself to cut it off completely, I can decide how much of the unnecessary pain and fear is allowed to swell in my spirit and overflow into my  physical life. OR I can easily plant in the contemplative part of my union with God the reminder that as above, so is below and to all things I think, all things become manifested….good and bad. So, facing the sunrise this morning I wanted to take the first initial gut reaction of depression that my Etsy site was closed and I couldn’t sell my bears…..or I could say, I will own up to my obligation, pay my bill, have my income back and take this teddy bear business to new heights I never dreamed possible…..and THAT’S it in a nutshell….If I FEEL its possible, if I THINK its possible, then it WILL happen, not MIGHT happen, but will happen….and if I allow dark negativity around me to tell me its not going to happen, then its time to let them go.

Oh! If you want to read the PDF version of “MAD MAN KNITTING-or-The Waiter and the Fly” for free, you can download it here. Just maybe toss a few dollars to donate?



  1. Perfect attitude! You are exactly right and I love it! If something is just not working in our lives: a lamp, a piece of clothing that just doesn’t fit, a friendship, or even our own attitude – just let them go. Maybe they are better off with someone else. But regardless, if they are not giving us what we need, right now, today, then they are not worth holding onto. We each have the power to decide what we keep and what we simply let go of. The time has come. Congratulations on having the strength to see this and the courage to make it happen.

    1. I find myself on occassion tripping back into old thoughts. Trying to impress people I think I love. Or rather, people I’d have love me. But, the conditions can be too high and its a little like having only some part of yourself to offer and say, “This is who I am.” The rest, from the other party can come with so many stipulations that I’m realizing, “With the little I have, I don’t think I can afford you.” The photo of me with the Scruffy Old Bear. Notice the sign behind me. The Yacht Club, with the fence closed. That’s the world I came from, the one that spit me out. And with my clutching that teddy bear and looking off sternly, passionately, was my way of saying, “That life is behind me. I’m holding close, in my arms, in my spirit, what really means something to me.”

  2. How high had it gotten? (Sorry, can’t figure out how to send you a private message.) I’m asking because I’m trying to figure out if I can help.

  3. The power of postivity is a very powerful thing. I try to wake every day and be positive that today everything will be ok. It is easy to let the darkness take over but where would it get you….. so it is better to fight it and push it away and let the light in! I am positive things will turn around for you, Gregory. You have a magnificent fighting spirit! I am sending you lots of positive vibes and will send then to you each day xxx

  4. Thank you for your fighting spirit.. I look foward to each of your blogs. You make my day better and I am grateful for your voice. Have a fantabulous day. You believe you can win and you will.

    Susan Allison

    1. Thank you, Susan. I often fear I say too much. But I don’t think it possible to write about your life without saying EVERYTHING that comes your way. You can’t be afraid to write about who you are. For, if you do, you’re admitting that in life you’re embarrassed about who you are.

  5. Sounds to me like the WiFi issue was a metaphor for the fear that was keeping you from being connected to your higher source of strength, “signal”, positivity, etc. It doesn’t seem surprising to me that once you let go of the fear, you got the connectivity back. I find the Universe sends me messages like that all the time, to get me to wake up to what is going on inside me. I think it’s great that you are so aware of these things, and that you communicate them in this public forum. You are helping a lot of people, more than you realize.

    1. I wanted you to know I read your personal email and shortly after began to think. That’s when I wrote the post, “There Once Was A Boy….” All of you really do inspire me on a daily basis. You really do. You’ve allowed a heart felt guy who wants something better for himself to feel its possible. In my favorite book, “Howard’s End,” there is the passage in reference to Leonard Bast, to whom I’ve always felt a connection. The two sisters are referring to him to someone who thinks him unworthy. They respond, “We like him because he has a rather romantic ambition. He only wants something better for himself.”

  6. The problem could also have had something to do with the solar flares that were occurring which were causing issues with our internet in Oregon as well for the past week or so. Hope it gets better. Keep going and don’t give up. I can’t wait until we are in a situation to buy a bear or two from you. My wife fell in love with them when I showed her too. When we finally have a child, it’s first teddy bear will be one of yours.

    1. You know, my dear friend Ann who is well into her 70’s, mentioned to me that she has spent most of her life dealing with people according to the moon. She has her calender marked “new moon phase-avoid all people.” I rather like that. 🙂

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