So after a very long time of just tending to my emotions, thinking about the usual issues of mortality and grief, and simply lending myself to some alone time, I’d like to feel that I’m ready to get back into the world, back into life. I can sense that my face looks a little stranger, looks a little more stern. You can see some unhappiness clinging to me. But, so is the world, so is life….and you move on.
So here I am, anxious to continue on and return to the world a better suited person, guarded a little, loving a lot more, but in some respects, a little quieter than usual.
I’m not sure where to begin with myself. Not sure what to tell you right now, for there has been nothing more happening to me recently. Sitting quietly, knitting, listening to the waves outside, knitting, eating something here and there, knitting….
I think it can be dangerous to have so much time in your head. I truly do. I haven’t wanted to be online, talk to anyone, nor even respond to real truths. I kinda wanted to escape, deal with things in my own way, then proceed. And yesterday, towards dusk, I was sitting outside, catching some fresh air, resting the hands. I saw a blanket of swallows swarming through the air, darting in random chaos, swooping through and collecting their dinner in the form of little bugs. There was something beautiful about the swirl of birds, the hundreds of them, darting about in panicky shrill. So, instead of having my mind filled with the past week and the things within it, the one thing I wanted to do was focus on those birds and that simple moment of now. I wanted to pin my thoughts into a point of only the birds and their manic flights through the air. And there was something remarkably good about forgetting for a moment the past, or worrying about the future, but grabbing hold of right now. It made me feel better, sharper, softer…..
So I guess in the next couple of blogs I’ll be back to writing about my dancing in my underpants, the strange little opinions I have , and life here on this odd little island, so close, yet so dang far from everything.
I have a bear for you if you want him. Another bear made with the Amazing Yarn from Lionbrand. You see? This is why I like these particular bears so much. They never look the same, just by way of the random striping that happens. He’s another one of a kind, so if you want him, click here, or on any of the pics.
I guess that’s about it for now. Still a little quiet. But, I’m starting to surface, to feel better. Despite life I still have to get back to selling teddy bears. If I don’t’ sell bears, I don’t eat.