Pain and Peaches.

I just woke up.

Its 11PM and I just woke up. I was knitting up a storm earlier today, after having put out the call for help. And you did. You helped me. You came to my rescue and you helped me. The minute the funds were available I ran to my landlords and paid for the month.

Then I came home and fell onto my mattress on the floor and fell asleep. Just fell asleep. Stress keeps me up, keeps weight off….and with the stress let go, I finally was able to sleep. I thought, ok, I’ll take a nap…..little did I know it would be 11pm when I woke. This happened a few months ago. Stressed up all night, knitting like a madman, hard time getting funds together…..then once it was all taken care of (thank you again, Marie!) I crashed and slept for hours and hours. And so it was today. I needed that sleep and it felt so good to have had it.

I can’t thank you enough for helping me out. All of you. You had me teary eyed when I saw I had the money needed to take care of the rent and I could just bow my head and let one tear go spilling to the floor. I don’t know why  you all love me so much, or care, but it warms to the heart to such a place, and in such a way, that I cannot fathom that there should be any pain in the world. How could there be when I know so many kind, caring, generous people? How could there be pain in the world when the harshest thing I’ve come across form any of you is “Wish I could help more.”

I’m going to make you all very proud of me someday. I truly mean that. I’m probably never going to be known for having great things, but that’s fine, because I’d rather be known for having DONE great things. At some point, I’ll have the ability to take this love and generosity you show me and give it back to the universe. I’ll be able to spend my time helping with my knitting. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for helping this skinny little man and his cat keep it together, but this much I can tell you: I love more than anything in the world for everything you’ve done for me. ALL of you.

I am overwhelmed by your kindness, by your care for me. And I’m truly humbled by it. I can only lower my head, while raising my heart and think that I am a truly blessed man.

On the way back from my landlords, Kara and I stopped at Clemens (nothing but farm fresh produce….dirt and all). As I was in Clemons I couldn’t help myself. I just couldn’t. I splurged and bought some fresh peaches. Its been so long since I’ve had fresh fruit and fresh vegetables, that upon spying this huge mound out of the corner of my eye of gorgeous peaches, I went wide eyed and couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help it. I Bought 4 of them.

Ok. Since I’m up, despite it being so late, I might as well make a cup of coffee and get back to knitting. I found a page online where I can watch old “Murder, She Wrote” episodes. That’ll be a nice way to spend the evening. Knitting with Jessica Fletcher….

It feels nice to have the world hold you….

Thank you again. All of you. I truly do love you.




  1. Mad Man, we love you, too! We were so worried about you. We shared with every craft group we knew! I chewed my nails off with worry! Seriously consider raising the price of your bears… at the VERY least by $5. So glad you made it!

  2. So glad your settled for now, I know how much stress this causes you each and every month, and I wish I could do more. Glad you got some sleep, I find when I am worried and miss ‘good’ sleep it makes it so much harder to cope with day to day stuff, things that don’t phase me when slept, grate on my nerves when not slept enough! Hope you enjoy your Jessica fest, and peaches to munch on.

  3. I am so glad you were able to make rent and also enjoy some delicious peaches. I love what your are doing and what it stands for. God bless you!

  4. Don’t be ridiculous, we ARE proud of you. Seriously. We wouldn’t cheer you on, fuss on you and pray for you if we thought you couldn’t do this. You’re working hard. Sometimes too hard. It’s easy to lose sight of things when everything around you starts to fall apart. You have a goal and we’ll still be here doing what we can, when we can. I wish I could have helped but it’s one of those “OMG what now???” kind of weeks. Still praying for you though because I know you CAN do this. 🙂

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