Its about 3:30 am on the east coast. Haven’t been able to sleep much. I’ve been blogging a lot more than lately. Knitting, of course and getting some orders done. But, I think there’s something more to it.
I think I’m lonely. There’s really no one to talk to, so I find some comfort in just talking to you. About anything, everything. Just talking. Sharing. I don’t have anyone to share with. I don’t have anyone invite me over for coffee, or for a beer. I don’t get the random phone call from someone “just wanted to say hi.”
I know I make a point of this blog being a large share of my life. You’ve followed my adventures, my troubles, my successes. Some things I keep private. I think this is one of those that I need to share. I don’t know why. I guess because now its starting to really bother me.
Days will pass and I won’t see or hear from another living soul. It wasn’t something I decided upon. It just seemed to happen. I wake up, put on my boots, open the front door to let in fresh air, feed Mario, start coffee, then grab my needles…..
….and there isn’t the first sign of a soul to pass by my day.
I think a little bit of depression has set in. I know I shouldn’t talk like that. But, its on my mind. And I need to deal with it. Change something. Do something about it.
Now, this wasn’t intended to be a pity party and have me ramble on with “Boo Hoo. Woah is me…” That’s not the intention. I just don’t have anyone to talk to. So, I thought I’d talk to you. I don’t wanna go back and re edit this post and over think it. I just wanted to talk. Let you know what was on my mind.
I’ve tried to make friends. Its not as easy as I thought it was. I think I’m a little too “peculiar” for some people.
You’re 41, live in a 10×20 apartment, you don’t own a car, and you scrape by knitting for a living? Yeah, there’s something wrong with you.
And that’s where I sort of retract anyway and just start thinking, “well, I’d rather not have people around me like that.”
I know I’m strange, odd, a little different. But, I gotta tell ya, there is a certain gem in being Gregory Patrick. I haven’t met too many more. Actually, I’ve yet to meet another. So, I don’t ever feel issues of low esteem. Nah, I’m proud of the man I am, the things I’ve encountered, the things I’ve accomplished, and the stories I can tell. I’m proud of all that.
When I was out in the woods, or even on the island, isolationism set the difference. There were not too many people around, so yes, it was hard to make friends. But, here? Here I live in the middle of everything. There are people swarming all over the place! And I can’t seem to connect with any of them.
I’ve connected with many of you. We share our lives and our words, and you’re there for me when troubles arise. And I don’t take that lightly. I love you for it. I owe my life to you because of it.
But, I think I need more face to face, human to human contact. A handshake. A sit down. An invite to coffee. I need to spend my time with people every once in a while, and not spend 3 to 4 days having not heard from another person.
You should see my smile when I’m around people. Its dangerously effective 🙂 It’s contagious. I love afternoons like that. Big smiles, and being able to actually laugh out loud, rather than type LOL.
I know I’m probably bothering some of you with this. Didn’t mean to. Just felt like I wanted to talk. And there was no one here….
I should just go to bed. Enjoy my Sunday. Get some sleep, not over think. Knit along….
But, I tell ya, if you know anyone in Orlando, or near abouts, that would like to hang out sometime, let me know.