Lonely Is an Eyesore

Its about 3:30 am on the east coast. Haven’t been able to sleep much. I’ve been blogging a lot more than lately. Knitting, of course and getting some orders done. But, I think there’s something more to it.

I think I’m lonely. There’s really no one to talk to, so I find some comfort in just talking to you. About anything, everything. Just talking. Sharing. I don’t have anyone to share with. I don’t have anyone invite me over for coffee, or for a beer. I don’t get the random phone call from someone “just wanted to say hi.”

I know I make a point of this blog being a large share of my life. You’ve followed my adventures, my troubles, my successes. Some things I keep private. I think this is one of those that I need to share. I don’t know why. I guess because now its starting to really bother me.

Days will pass and I won’t see or hear from another living soul. It wasn’t something I decided upon. It just seemed to happen. I wake up, put on my boots, open the front door to let in fresh air, feed Mario, start coffee, then grab my needles…..

….and there isn’t the first sign of a soul to pass by my day.

I think a little bit of depression has set in. I know I shouldn’t talk like that. But, its on my mind. And I need to deal with it. Change something. Do something about it.

Now, this wasn’t intended to be a pity party and have me ramble on with “Boo Hoo. Woah is me…” That’s not the intention. I just don’t have anyone to talk to. So, I thought I’d talk to you. I don’t wanna go back and re edit this post and over think it. I just wanted to talk. Let you know what was on my mind.

I’ve tried to make friends. Its not as easy as I thought it was. I think I’m a little too “peculiar” for some people.

You’re 41, live in a 10×20 apartment, you don’t own a car, and you scrape by knitting for a living? Yeah, there’s something wrong with you.

And that’s where I sort of retract anyway and just start thinking, “well, I’d rather not have people around me like that.”

I know I’m strange, odd, a little different. But, I gotta tell ya, there is a certain gem in being Gregory Patrick. I haven’t met too many more. Actually, I’ve yet to meet another. So, I don’t ever feel issues of low esteem. Nah, I’m proud of the man I am, the things I’ve encountered, the things I’ve accomplished, and the stories I can tell. I’m proud of all that.

When I was out in the woods, or even on the island, isolationism set the difference. There were not too many people around, so yes, it was hard to make friends. But, here? Here I live in the middle of everything. There are people swarming all over the place! And I can’t seem to connect with any of them.

I’ve connected with many of you. We share our lives and our words, and you’re there for me when troubles arise. And I don’t take that lightly. I love you for it. I owe my life to you because of it.

But, I think I need more face to face, human to human contact. A handshake. A sit down. An invite to coffee. I need to spend my time with people every once in a while, and not spend 3 to 4 days having not heard from another person.

You should see my smile when I’m around people. Its dangerously effective 🙂 It’s contagious. I love afternoons like that. Big smiles, and being able to actually laugh out loud, rather than type LOL.

I know I’m probably bothering some of you with this. Didn’t mean to. Just felt like I wanted to talk. And there was no one here….

I should just go to bed. Enjoy my Sunday. Get some sleep, not over think. Knit along….

But, I tell ya, if you know anyone in Orlando, or near abouts, that would like to hang out sometime, let me know.







  1. Hi. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and for being YOU. I can relate to so much of what you’ve just said. I’m thinking about starting up an arts and crafts group to be more community focused and to encourage more children to get into knitting. I love reading your blogs, you really inspire me. Denis

  2. Wish I lived close enough, we’d go for coffee and have a good gab. I’m pretty much alone most of the time too, mostly I like it. But yeah, I hear you about having someone to stop by and chat, or call on the phone and just yakkety yak about everything and nothing in particular. It’d be nice, I’d enjoy that.

  3. If I was in Orlando, I’d definitely meet you for coffee and knitting! Thanks for reaching out to us. Your bravery in speaking from the heart really inspires and moves me. Keep saying what you need / want to say. We’ll keep listening!

  4. What abour George and Kara?
    I think Katrina´s idea abour starting a knitting circle is great – at least worth a try!?!
    Big hug!

  5. If I was in Orlando… I’m living in a Europe country, I’ m not American and my mother tongue isn’t english. I know I can’ t do nothing to help you, unfortunately. Please
    keep writing and knitting.
    Big hug.

  6. What about a Skype knitting group? Start with just a couple of others, and set some rules and meet once a week or twice a week. It isn’t the same as pouring you a cup of coffee, but it would probably result in some giggles and good stories. We all share what we are knitting and try to help if there is a knitting malfunction. I understand that you feel alone even with so many rooting for you. Now this is the challenge to you. Be brave and try different things until you feel you finally have a home base and don’t hesitate to shop around. Not finding the right group immediately is not a failure- it is just a lesson on how to fine tune what you want. On Ravelry I am KateinIL and contact me anytime. Hugs!

    1. I’m in if you do it. :). I live in Utah and can’t seem to find any knitting friends either. Let’s do a Skype group! I’m on ravelry also. Username birdkitty

  7. Look for a yarn shop. Usually there are a number of knitters that enjoy chatting while knitting. Two birds one stone kind of thing. If that doesn’t appeal to you knit in a public place and you’ll soon find that folks will be drawn to a rare sighting of a man knitting.

  8. I think a knitting circle is a good idea. I don’t know your daily routine but can you find a small period every day to go to the same small coffee shop or somewhere similar? If it’s the right kind of place, people will soon start recognising you and saying hello and maybe commenting on the weather. Then it’s not too far to go to start chatting. It wouldn’t happen quickly but it could be worth the effort. As I said, it must be the right kind of place with regulars that are there at the same time most days.

    Good luck. Many of us have been in the same situation as you and so can feel for you.

  9. Hey Gregory,
    you have made the first step there, just by saying you were feeling a tad depressed,
    what I do when I feel like that is, I go to my local library and ask about a book, doesn’t matter what, you are facing a person, there is some dialogue, then you can sit and knit and occasionally watch people, and if it is like my local library you can have a cup of tea or coffee and even eat there. B.Y.O that way It’s free too. talking to your cat(s) helps also. Now get some sleep and Definitely DO NOT over think things
    walking is good….
    Cheers Kathleen 🙂

  10. I live in London, and I understand that when you’re surrounded by so many people that they are usually too busy to say hello, but you’re not alone. There’s plenty of MeetUp groups and socials to attend for people who want to meet new people. The possibilities are out there, keep up being the wonderful you and show the world! 🙂

  11. Do you have a local senior center? You may be able to go in and share your knitting with them. There may also be some old gals who would help you out with your bears 🙂

  12. Hi Gregory, sorry to read this. I am going to write an email, and I left some recent messages on Skype, please stay connected. Talk soon. Big Hug Giovanni

  13. I’m in Melbourne, Australia, so that’s no good to you either.
    But if I could give you a big bear hug, I would in a heartbeat.
    It’s hard making friends when you are an adult; people seem to think there is an ulterior motive.
    I know there are a lot of lonely people out there, but not brave enough to say something, like you.
    Maybe take a look at meetup.com and see if there are any knitting groups. You’d meet some cool gals I bet 🙂
    Hugs and love, Louise xx

  14. I’ve met lots of nice people in knitting groups all over the world.
    You should really give that a try. Maybe there is one near you.

    Hope you feel better soon! 🙂

  15. I’ve had trouble sleeping today too, I blame it on my coffee and walnut cake, or maybe a few worries of my own.
    I think its easier to be lonely in a big city, people come and go and its more difficult to connect. Have you looked on meetup for any groups you might find interesting? Its always in the most random places that life gets you x

  16. If I was closer I would definitely stop by and I would love to meet Mario and bring some treats over. I too feel the same way often here, I’ve lived here a year and barely know people and know the feeling of loneliness. I have done some activities with meetup groups and that helps but mostly its stuff that costs money which I don’t always have. Hang in there and try some of the ideas above. At least you have your online friends for support we care about you!

  17. Just some suggestions, a knitting circle like Katrina suggested would be great, there is one in our local library, also maybe the local senior center? Lonely is hard, keep sharing your thoughts that helps. We listen. Keep trying to connect, take your needles on the road again to the local coffee shop or park. Virtual hug. On a side note I ordered one of your sock yarn bears in green. It came just at the right time, my son needed a friend, he was perfect! Sits on his desk while he writes and edits pictures. The bear has a soul, you are amazing and I thank you!

  18. Everyone needs human contact at least occasionally- nothing strange about that. I wish I knew some people in Orlando. Our daughter moved back home after 8 years and she can’t seem to meet people either. She is 30 and goes to the coffee shop most days for a couple hours just to be around others, at least I think she is on a first name and chat basis with the baristas. I don’t ran to make light of your predicament- life is tough, people are tough and if the truth be told many of us spend much of our time alone. Hope you have a lovely Sunday. Pam

  19. My Dear Patrick; You are my inspiration. When I scan my e-mails and see yur post I rush to open it. A deep calm comes over me. I’m going to be 68 June 4th. Actually I really can’t believe it. Like where did all those years go? I live in Michigan (I wish it was Orlando) Been divorced for years. Now retired. (For the past 2 years)

    My one daughter whom I am close to lives in Arizona with her family. I would love to move back to AZ but don’t think I would be accepted, as I came out of the closet years ago after the divorce. I have been trying to find “that special Someone” and actually have about given up. I do have medical issues but plan on being around for another 30 years.

    I crochet “Granny square afghans” and sew “Corn Bags” (Microwaveable hot therapy bags) I have taken up raising canaries 5 hens/3 cocks and thus far 23 babies. I live in a retirement center in my own apartment that is NOT gay friendly. The manager is Not happy with me having so many birds. Ya would think I had a bedroom full of Pot!!!

    Well my friend, keep knitting, keep blogging (I think I may like to do that) Yur so young, so handsome and so talented and such an inspiration to me and I know so many others. I wanted to try to make enough money on my birds,so I could become a full time RV’er but my last doctor check-up; he told me he wouldn’t advise it with all my cervical neck fusions/problems. Do you think I could learn to knit? I have left hand /arm atrophy from cervical nerve compression. God Bless You Patrick. Born too soon and started too late … Hugs Tobias…Frankenmuth, Michigan tobiascorner@yahoo.com

  20. Same world just half a country apart. Sending you lots of love this morning. Would be happy to share a pot of coffee with you anytime.

  21. What?!?! I’m next to orlando! Let’s have coffee!!!!! Seriously!!!! I work the 8-5 grind but I’m always around the area. 🙂
    I also have a group of friends in orlando. Let me see what I can work out and I’ll private message you. Hang in there.

  22. I could so be you. I like the thought of people. I enjoy people when I actually get to the part where I’m with them. But it is hard to make that leap from the thought to the actual. I live in a remote area with a quiet/workaholic husband….so I, too, have gone many days without seeing a human…. (aren’t animals wonderful….cannot do without them). I’m no help to you, but I get it. I enjoy my own company but even I have limits! I have forced myself to some knit groups and have found some new acquaintances…not friends yet but possibilities. Now you have a goal, and I suspect that stitch by stitch you will succeed! (and if I get to Orlando, I WILL look you up.)

  23. In my book, the folks that are “different” and not like all the others are the most interesting. The ones I enjoy being around the most. I’ve just started a knitting group in my apartment complex, it’s only three of us, but we all enjoy it. The ages are: mid-50’s, 69 and 79. We have a name – the KGB. Knitting Group Brooklands. We get together Monday mornings at 10:00, rotating apartments and the one hosting provides coffee and a snack. Two of us love to make something special, the other does grocery store pound cake.

  24. People have suggested starting a knitting circle, but I would suggest finding one that’s already there. Places to check – Knitting Guild, LYS’s, Ravelry. Also check with book and coffee stores. In my area (Houston, TX) there seem to be lots of groups meeting at Panera Bread Restaurants; I see their notices on the bulletin board.
    Lonely is hard. I am sorry you are experiencing it. Sending thoughts your way that it changes soon.

  25. Hey Patrick, I live in a busy market town, though often the busier a place is, the harder it is to connect. I didnt know how to go about making new friends. I love craft / knitting and noticed there wasnt a craft group for miles, so i started one. no one came for the first few months, but i put up notices and got the local paper to write about it and now we’re 20 strong group of lovely souls, that are now friends. Many of them were also lonely, and a few have said the group saved them. What i love about it is we’re all sp different, and had it not been for craft our paths would never have crossed. For many of us it’s the highlight of the week 🙂 just a thought?

  26. (Decided to do this in two parts because the last time I had a difficult time posting). You knit around town, right? It would be easier to have a conversation with someone that’s sitting on a bench, rather than a place it’s difficult to join. So those that stop to comment – perhaps if there are some that mention how much they love to knit, and if you feel there is a possibility of acquaintance-ship, you could tell them that you’re in that location every _____, and it would be fun if they brought their knitting and stopped by. Boy, I’d sure take you up on it! I also find that if I appeal to someone for help, they’re more than happy to share their tips.

    I’d LOVE it if you branched out into kitties – Scottish Folds, to be exact. They are somewhat rare (the folded ears) and if you want to check them out go to Kinross Folds and take a look! Mine is Kinross McGyv’ear This! I’d be your first order 🙂 Also, maybe folks that have ordered a teddy bear would like to add a kitty. Or grandmothers that know their grandchild is dying for a cat, might spring for one. I’d almost be willing to guarantee that you wouldn’t see them any place else.

    Other ways to meet people: Do you have time to read the newspaper? People in my village sit on park benches a lot, and as I walk by I hear some of the conversation – “Wow, can you believe that guy that was hacking into all those government sites?” That will start a conversation every time. Meanwhile you can be knitting away, maybe even say – I was about to pick up a cup of coffee, would you like one? You’ll soon see who will treat back and who won’t!

    There are probably people that you see every day. Can you contrive a conversational sentence or two? How about – “that shirt has such a great pattern, I love the colors in it.” It’s a fact that most people like to talk about themselves. Figure out something to say (NOT the weather!) that will require them to say more than yes or no. The old “ask open-ended questions” rule.

    I could go on and on, but basically there are MANY people that feel pretty much the way you do and are too shy to reach out. Sundays are my bad days, I think…..
    “everyone else out there is having brunch with their adorable grandchildren, but not me. No, not me, no one thinks to call me and see if I’d like to go out.” And then I feel terrible.

    I have three things I repeat to myself over and over. “Life is good.” “Be happy now.” and “Let it go.”

    I love your blogs and you are a dynamite writer. Thank you for letting us in – there are more than just me that would love to sit on a bench with you and knit, talk, knit and enjoy your conversation!

  27. I’ve been out of the loop … and missing you. Wish you could come balcony-sit, bring your knitting, share stories, pop open some beers, doze off in the sun — we’d love to have you. ❤

  28. Attending or starting a knitting circle was the first thing that jumped to my mind– you could do what you love and share it with others who love it too. Good luck to you.

  29. Aww. Now what can I say to you that may be of help? No clue really. I am introverted so to me this being on your own thing is never an issue. But I am still betting you can make friends. Be the one to keep reaching out, talk to random strangers and be the company you want to be. Or then again, it may just be a temporary phase. Live in the moment nevertheless and take one day at a time.

  30. You are not alone; your comments on being lonely hit my heart too. 4 of my best friends are moving away. Your questions are my questions. How about sitting on a park bench knitting, or in a fast food place? I almost always have to make phone calls…mine doesn’t ring either. Keep writing; I’m working on similar problem.
    You are surrounded by caring friends on line.
    Better than nothing, not as good as real human presence.

  31. I hear you. Sometimes I go to the grocery just so I can be around people. I spend most of my days knitting as well. I live in an apartment building near one of the busiest districts of my the city, yet, aside from saying hello in the elevator or in passing to someone on the street, I don’t really know anyone. And I have lived in this city for all of my life. 59 years. I have family and 1 or 2 good friends, but seems everyone is busy with their own lives. I don’t have a solution to your dilemma, just want you to know you are not alone. Hang in there, keep on knitting your wonderful bears that make people happy.

  32. A knitting circle is a good idea. You know you’ll share a common interest and can go from there. Have you tried any of your local churches? Center for Spiritual Living, Unity, Spiritualist, and Unitarian churches are all welcoming and loving places where you might find connection. You’ll also hear the message that all is well and you are OK. I don’t know your spiritual outlook (and whatever your beliefs are are fine) but those are some easygoing churches if you’re open.
    A thought as far as increasing your income: how about teaching knitting classes? I teach fiber arts at my kids’ elementary school and we’re doing knitting this session. Elementary and middle schoolers want to learn how to knit and sew and parents will pay for after school classes. All you really need is patience and enthusiasm. I charge $60 for an 8 week session for an hour after school and have 8 to 10 students. That’s less than most classes where I live (Oregon).
    Just some thoughts. And for what is worth, I’m married with 4 kids and I still feel lonely. It cam be hard to make those connections with people.

  33. I agree with the knitting group idea. I’ve just discovered the benefits to joining one. It’s inspiring to be in a room full of like-minded people. I have confidence that you’ll find what you need soon. In the meantime, you have us (even if I don’t live close and wish that I did). Big hugs and support. A.

  34. I really enjoy your blog, even though I’m a mad man crocheting, not knitting. All the previous suggestions are great ideas to increase your social circle, I’d say. I also want to say that depression, whether it be clinical or “normal” should always be acknowledged. It gives one a starting place to journey away from it, back to happiness. Or at least peace of mind. Thanks for all you share! You not only make cute bears, you are an enjoyable writer.

    1. Oh yes, I know from experience that you have to recognise depression to have a chance to climb out of the valley of darkness.

  35. Man, I wish I were down in Orlando so we could hang out. I’ve been reading your blog for a while but never commented. When you write a post, you’re reaching more people than you think and we’re all listening. I understand it’s not the same as real personal contact, though.

  36. *offers hugs* Please never feel like you’re bothering any of us by writing what you want or need to here! This is your space, and we come by because we want to hear what’s going on with you! Get it out when you feel the need. 🙂 That’s what this thing is for, yeah?

    And gosh, never feel like you shouldn’t talk about depression. It WANTS you to not talk about it, to keep it inside so it can feed on itself and get bigger. Talking about it, acknowledging it, that’s the best way to start getting past it.

    I concur with the suggestion of a knitting group! If you don’t feel up to starting one, maybe you can find one to join in? I hope that you find a balm for the loneliness soon. You are wonderful and you definitely deserve to have company when you are craving it.

    *offers more hugs* I am sending warm thoughts your way.

  37. I’m in the Orlando area, there are lots of tourist things to do. But your right it is hard to make a new friend base. Keep your chin up, life will change again.

  38. I send you good thoughts. I volunteer at a local hospital in their Arts + Healthcare office teaching patients and their families to knit or whatever they like. I’ve met some great folks – both patients and staff.

  39. I live in semi-rural Connecticut,never had a driver’s license,and am no longer able to work due to Lyme/fibromyalgia/calcification of the spine.I stay at home to care for my two autistic grandsons.I knit to keep heads and hands warm,and the insanity at bay.I have not been in any form of relationship in 17yrs.I have few friends,and fewer still with common interests.I read your blog and others as a way to connect with the world.I am on Facebook,for that is better than any newspaper.and I have ravelry to connect with other creative fiber nuts.your story is not unique,but the fact that you share it with the world at large is.I’ve been homeless,with two small children,many years ago.I wish I could knit for a living like you do.it is something I have thought of doing to help my daughter pay our bills.to live by yourself is liberating.the chaos here makes me wish for such a freedom sometimes.there is a bright side to everything,and a balance in all situations.reach out and we are here to help you find yours.I’m “grannysticks” on ravelry,and I’ll be looking for you there.you can hunt me up on fb too,if you would like another odd old shut in to chat with sometimes…sending you smiles 🙂

  40. I’m in a situation somewhat similar to yours, and I thank you for posting this. There are a lot of wonderful ideas in these comments! I am going to try some of these gems. For starters: Anyone else want to start/join a Skype knitting group?

  41. Hi Patrick. I live in a suburb of Orlando. I am an old lady–a great-grandmother, and I suffer from a chronic illness which keeps me homebound now, but when I was younger, one of the things I liked most about Orlando was that no matter what my current interest was, I could find a group of people who were interested in the same thing. I met some wonderful people and made some lifelong friends.

    I don’t know if you’re interested in matters of the spirit, but if you are, there is a wonderful bookstore which has all kinds of actvities connected with it, where I had some great times. It’s the Spiral Circle Bookstore ( http://www.spiralcircle.com/ ). I haven’t been there in years, but I’m sure it has continued to be the hub of activity which it always was.

    The knitting store where I made my knitting friends has gone out of business now, but you might want to check out some of the knitting shops that are still in business such as the Knitting Patch, the Black Sheep and Sip and Knit–maybe arrange to teach a class in how to make the teddy bears you make.

    And one last place you might want to check out if you get the chance: the Enzian theater in Maitland. My grandson, who is a potter (ceramics) and his friends love to hang out at the Enzian. I think you might meet a lot of art-loving people there.

    I remember years ago I was with one of my friends when we stopped on Park Avenue in Winter Park while two strangely-dressed people carried on a conversation in the middle of the street. No one honked their horn or shouted at the people. We all waited patiently and when the conversation ended and the people left, we continued on our way. My friend looked at me and said, “Winter Park must be the last place in the world where eccentricity is not only tolerated, it is actively encouraged.” So don’t leave out Winter Park–especially if they still have the Saturday morning Farmer’s Market. I used to love that. People were so friendly there that strangers would start up conversations.

    These are just some suggestions. I know it is hard to reach out–leaving your comfort zone behind–but I have found a lot of wonderful friends in Orlando over the years, and I know there are people who would love to be your friend.

    I just want to say that I have loved living in Orlando and I always found it to be a friendly place. I hope you’ll reach out and find the people who share your soul interests because I know there are some here.


  42. love your posts. Praying that God will help you to find the friend that needs you and the one that you need. : ) Your posts and your bears make me smile. Thanks for sharing with us.

  43. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting outside because it finally got warm enough to do so (!) and was working on my second bear. And as I did so, I thought of you. Specifically, “Here I am knitting a bear, I bet Gregory is knitting now too.” But I guess I needed to be praying for you and not just thinking about you since you are feeling somewhat depressed. I think I read somewhere in one of your blogs (I’m a newer fan so I have probably missed a lot) but I’m pretty sure I read you were a Christian. Me too. And for me that means I’m not just “culturally” Christian. So I believe that God has a plan and that He can/will meet my needs and yours as well. So I will pray that God sends you some company – knitting or otherwise. I have a knitting church friend and she and I get together every other week for a couple hours in a nearby McDonald’s for knitting/chatting. We wanted others to join us and pretty soon, the Lord sent us another knitter from our church. And here’s the really fun part. We ended up with a fourth because some lady we didn’t know was eating breakfast with her husband and saw us knitting at McD’s. She’s a knitter so she came over to see what we were doing. One thing led to another and now there’s 4 of us. So pray. And shoot – visit a McD’s…maybe there’s another knitting hiding in there. 🙂 The Lord bless you, friend.

  44. I am having a monthly stitch and bitch to meet folks where I moved. I keep it simple and we all have a great time.

    The skype thing is a great idea as well. I am also on the east coast. I am on Ravelry as tawniemoon. chat me up. 🙂

    I am a granny in New England. I bought your patterns and they are in my queue. I work a lot and have one big project to complete so I have no idea when I will get a bear or a bunny done.

    Take care…….

  45. OK, here is what I have learned. Go out and find like folks, and if the first group you find doesn’t fit you, go to another group. Don’t go expecting someone to come and welcome you, they should, but be prepared to put yourself out. Sometimes I hear folks go to meet ups and say, no one talked to me. How do you know you didn’t sit next to a shy person, or someone who only has one friend and that is the person next to them. Use that infectious smile to it’s best. Even if you don’t chat, you can listen and you can knit.
    OK, now figure out how to get to one of these groups and meet fellow knitters.

  46. Everyone gets lonely & sometimes it does feel as if you’re being left out – i agree joining a group may help but go for a group away from knitting, try & develop other hobbies/interests & if you can find the time try & exercise, it does wonders for your mood. What about getting a part-time job? It would help financially, your social group would grow & it might be intellectually stimulating.

  47. Orlando is a lonely place. I’ve lived here all my life, thirty some years, and at this moment, I have 1 friend – my boyfriend.

    I don’t think you are odd at all, knitting your way through life. If I could get faster at my knitting, I’d love to make money from it as well. Lord knows I could use a bit more cash.

    Maybe we could get together and knit…. I’d appreciate any tips you’d be able to give me.

  48. You’re not alone. Just stumbled upon your blog. Read about “loneliness”. What you wrote sounds much like what I’ve written (or wanted to disclose) many times in my blog. Thanks for your courage in sharing. *I too, knit.

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