As much as I try to be optimistic and hopeful with this blog, there are some days where positive emotions elude me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. We all have our slight moments where we have to recognize truth, let it fill us with harshness, deal with it, then proceed back into the lives that we’ve designed for ourselves. If optimism is what you preach, then optimism is what you will get. If pessimism is your tactic, then by all means, have all the pessimism coming to you.
The last two days have been my turn to reconcile with truths. I was ill again yesterday. My health isn’t getting any better. And because of my arm and teeth being as wrecked as they are, I know all of it is intertwined.
We made some chicken soup from scratch and had the bed set up for me to climb in and rest again. But, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t going down again. There’s far too much to do. So, I sat in a chair with an afghan piled on top of me, sipped my soup, and did my knitting. While sitting there knitting, truth decided to scold me. I had no choice but to listen.
Teddy bear and book sales plummeted over the last month. And I do mean dropped. I am knitting as fast as I can, but it’s just not fast enough for some. And I understand that. Most of you have been so supportive and patient and you wait and wait and wait, and finally the bear arrives and I can’t tell you how kind it is of you to write me and tell me how worth the wait was. But, some have been disappointed. You have been loud, and I have heard you, and I apologize so deeply that I’m not knitting as fast as I once did. I truly do. I want you to be so happy when you finally get your bear and you realize what that bear represents, what that bear symbolizes. And I promise you. It really is the perfect teddy bear.
It would have made everything so much better for everyone had obstacles not slowed me down. But, they did. And it angers me that we could have survived a financial dip like this, had the IRS not confiscated the money we had scraped up to save. But, all of this is completely my fault. I can’t place blame on anyone. My health and finances are a result of choices I made five years ago.
Phillip’s hours were cut at the restaurant to 20 per week. He’s managing to keep at least those because he volunteered to take the position of dishwasher. Otherwise, I don’t think they would have kept him as a prep cook.
So truth quietly told me that I’m not getting healthier and that sales are down, finances are in the toilet. So, what do you do?
You pick your needles up and get back to work. You rest when you need to, push harder when you can, but you never ever back away and say, “I can’t do it.” Giving up has never been an option of mine. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it weren’t for my tenacious desire for a better life. And not just for myself, but for every single soul I touch with my writing and my bears. Be mindful! It isn’t a life filled with champagne and caviar, but a life honed in greatly on the simple.
So, I heard what truth had to say, acknowledged it, and squarely grabbed a space in my head where I could remain a fighting optimist, and got back to work. Health, arm, and teeth be damned…I have Phillip, Mario and Bacon, my books and bears to sell, and all of you to keep my heart warm. And all of that should get me through anything, right?
But, in all honesty, I’m awfully scared that we might not make it.
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I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now, hearing what you’re going through makes me wish I could help you in some way. I like reading your blog, because I can relate to why you started knitting in the first place. Hope everything turns around for you soon, I just know you’ll get through this. You’re a strong person, and a obvious fighter who does what they have to do to get through tough times. Hope you get better.
Ditto, everything that Nettie said. We’re with you.
Thanks for sharing the hard with the ups. It’s life and it’s real. Don’t push so hard that you can’t recover from sickness. I hope things get better!
Everything will work out. Keep holding on. May God bless you always and give you the strength you need to overcome these hard times.
When one day at a time seems too much, break it down to one hour at a time. Sometimes the ‘bigger picture’ is too big and one must concentrate on the now. Be kind to yourself. You’ve made it this far, and you have so much farther to go.
Don’t give in to worry and discouragement, boobla, life does always have something good up its sleeve. ❤
Gregory….
That wasn’t “the Truth” talking to you…..that was the Enemy. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy”
“The Truth” does not condemn. The Truth LOVES you…..created you for a purpose…..wants only the BEST for you….and is just waiting for you to lean on Him….let HIM bear your burdens.
Whenever those feelings of defeat, despair, and hopelessness creep in (and we ALL experience that), cast them down immediately. Remember that you are ” fearfully and wonderfully made”…..God doesn’t make any mistakes.
Take some time to determine exactly what it is that you want for your life and your household (Phillip, the kitties….) Good health….prosperity/abundance/more than enough, so that you can help not only yourselves but improve the lives of others as well….Favor, with God AND man……specific business and personal goals…..
And then SPEAK them…out loud….every day….thanking Him that they are coming to pass……God is “voice activated”…..don’t express out loud anything but what you WANT to become Reality….and when the Enemy attacks your mind and your resolve, tell him to get tha’ bleep OUT.
That’s Faith…..a relationship with your Maker, every day….not perfect attendance at church, or keeping an impossible list of rules (religion)…..Jesus didn’t come to give us a “religion”….in fact, He scoffed at the “religious” people of His day…..
I can tell from your writings that you have those seeds of Faith in you…..and that you have Love and compassion for your fellow earthlings…..
These “valleys” in Life are our opportunity to put Faith into practice…..walk it out in practical terms….look up some of God’s promises to us in the Bible, and repeat’em back to Him, out loud….remind Him of His promises to us. “Beauty for ashes….” “This very day I am declaring that I will restore double to you….”
He’s brought you this far….and He’s not going to let you remain in this current spot you’re in. Thanks to the Internet, and your creative gifts He’s given you, you have a worldwide platform, by which He can “show out” in your life. Let Him! lol (And then make sure HE gets all the credit/glory/Praise)
and btw….He’s a gentleman….not gonna force Himself on ya….you’ve got to give Him permission….or there’s no such thing as Free Will…..ASK Him to act out in your Life, and then continually thank Him for what He’s doing, even when you can’t see it in the natural…..
Much LOVE to you and Phillip and Mario and Bacon!
I did it, I just ordered a book. I know all our good words will not put food on the table, and many of us do not have a lot of extra funds, so I collected funds slowly, and now I can buy your books. Thats one. Keep warm, keep safe, be well.
I completely understand what you are going through. I have been going through somewhat of a Dark Night of the Soul as well. I realized a few years ago that none of the things I have acquired make me who I am, but instead it is the character I have built along the way. I hope and pray for some peace and grace to come your way.
Dear Gregory…..My heart is breaking with your words. If I’ve been one of those “loud” voices, the emotions behind my words didn’t come thru clearly. I’m not as eloquent of a writer as you. I continue to support you, pray for you and enjoy your words everyday. Take care of yourself and Phillip. Sending you a California hug.
A HUGE one🌟
Gregory, I know how it feels when nothing is going right and finding the silver lining is hard. Remembering what you have – Phillip, Mario and Bacon, afghans to pile on, supporters like your blog readers, homemade chicken soup – is a great step towards making it out of this hole. The REAL truth is not what you think it is, the REAL truth is in your heart – you are an exceptionally gifted man with love to share through your book and your bears. You WILL make it! Now, that Granny Dee has given you a pep talk, I’m off to order a bear! Sending you hugs.
all i can send is good wishes cuz i’m broke too. but your blog inspires and teaches i hope you find a way to go on. i found something at walgreens that help with my teeth pain, it’s called canka and looks like a masacara tube. but it works like ambusol just put it around the tooth at the gum line or where ever. taste bad but the pain goes away for awhile.
Every bear you make is a bear of love and therefore awesome! No one should complain. Chin up- you have a wonderful heart and I will hope & pray all turns to the good. Plod on- have hope- the next corner might be the brightest!
A little something that may help a little.
thanks for sharing your hard time. our household is experiencing some hard things also. I have come to understand that just expressing how hard it is, often lighten the burden. so thanks for letting us share your burdens.
Hang in there darlin’, keep putting one foot in front of the other and you’ll walk out the other side and it WILL be a brighter place. If I had two nickles at the moment I’d send you one. 🙂 I DO have my lovely bear, he was worth the wait indeed. <>
your writing helped me get on with today. i am sorry about the people who are rude and mean. i have some of those in my life too. i am struggling with a crisis as well and your words help. i love your writing and your positive attitude. i can’t seem to muster one for myself so i lean on yours. have heart, maybe we will both survive this to see a better day.
I wonder whether it would be possible to try for some more media exposure? I remember a very entertaining long-distance radio chat you had with a couple of guys. Maybe do a follow-up with them?
I hate the idea of you knitting through pain in your arm – but if you must knit (and I do admire your optimism and tenacity), have you considered trying cubic needles? I tried some cubic DPNs for the first time the other day and they seemed comfortable (but I don’t use DPNs much, so they’ve not had much use).
Oh dear. I don’t have any magic words to say. Hopefully, the quilt I made will keep you warm. All I can do is keep a candle burning for you and keep sending healing energy. Hang in there, my friend. You do as much for US as some do for YOU. Just in a different way. Take good care. ALL of you!
You can do this. Whatever “this” turns out to be.
Dear Gregory,
I do hope all is well but I just read your latest post and I fear this is not so.
I honour your pride but should you wish to talk about this difficult moment with me, maybe together, by a bit of brainstorming, some ideas could pop up. Otherwise, please rest reassured that I am here and will do all my best to support you.
Big, big hugs to you and Phillip, and Mario and Bacon and hope to talk to you soon, maybe in the week end ?
Have a nice day and please take care
Giovanni
I’m happy you have someone to take care of you. It is a tough situation, and I understand the anxiety. Take care, you deserve it too.
Hey Gregory, Sad to hear you are not feeling well. I hope that as it gets warmer and we see more sun that you feel better. I already ordered a bear – bought all your patterns and books. I think you need to keep it fresh by writing up a new pattern every so often. I think that would be a good idea. By the way, my son finally got married a few months ago. I now have a new son in law and we are all ecstatic. His advice to me is that life is easier in pairs. Just some mom advice. (o: I am always trying to figure out a way to make money crocheting and knitting – but hands can only work so fast. I think more patterns are a great idea for you. I would write some if I was creative enough – but all I can really do is read a pattern. Stay warm !
Oh, Gregory…your words are incredibly eloquent on a very challenging subject. But in a strange way, they are exactly what I needed to hear. The outside world often tries to tell us what is right and wrong, often tries to tell us how we should be doing things, and worst of all, why we should be different than we are. But all of that is a lie. We are who we are and who we are is exactly who we need to be. And it is enough. Bless you for sharing your journey with all of us and reminding us that we are all divine spirits having a human experience.
Do you have a local yarn store, book store. How about a knit in with your books and Ted. Patterns and maybe kits available? How about asking local ladies to help, they would lap it up and for free, trust me.
I admire your determination and honor your sense of responsibility. You are in my prayers. I hope you feel better soon.
Hi, I feel like we are living the same life. I am trying to persevere through many of the same things. All I can say is keep at it. People like us just ca’t give up. Think where the world would be. History shows that it is the tenacious that change the world Ad that means us!!