Monday. 10:30am. That’s my when my doctors appointment is.
I’ve asked Kara to go with me. So, we’ll find out then. Until then, I’ve been pulling so much into my life to make it joyous. No more news. Lot’s of laughter. Watching comedies, turning conversations to the absurd, music that makes me want to dance, KNITTING (!), reading your messages of prayer and hope, walking out the front door at dawn into the crisp cool air to praise the rays as they announce the advent of a new day. I rest when I need to. I eat when I can.
I am a little worried, but I pull out cliches and say, expect the worst, hope for the best, and somewhere in the middle is life as you have always lived it. Did you expect the worst? Or did you hope for the best? And when I think I’ve hit the worst of it, slid across an an oil patch and went headfirst into worst, I’m reminded that this life of mine has been joyous. The troubles I’ve faced, the adversities I’ve conquered rewarded me with an amazing connection that I will ever be able to convey in print. Those are the connections that can only be found in the manner in which you live your life, in the way that you smile, in the compassion you share, and the yearning you have to make every moment you touch mindful of joy.
Life, the world, people, they aren’t as terrible as we’re told they are. The world, and people? They’re just as scared as you are. That at any moment, joy will be replaced with sorrow.
And life? Life reminds us that we should never forget (NEVER!), that sorrow can always be replaced with joy. Blessings come in all degrees and shapes and sizes and amounts and forms and questions and fears…..But, the greatest blessing is the reminder that life, YOUR life, can replace the sorrow of the fear we often live under with the joy we wish to experience….with something as simple as a smile, as a recognition that we are all hindered under a blanket of doom that we’re told often is reality. But it’s not. I promise you from personal experience that life, the world, and people are not filled with doom, they are filled with a joy that they want and need to be reminded of.
I’m not afraid to know my diagnosis. Because I have lived a joyous life, made possible by the courage to connect with you. Because with every word these bony hands pen, I’m doing my part to remove fear, to make our lives better, to bring joy. And no amount of sorrow can EVER conquer that.
This life of mine is so beautifully joyous, thanks to you.
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