I’m going to be fine. I’m going to be ok. Daily life around here is going to change dramatically for both Phillip and I, but I’m going to be ok. We’re going to have to change many things in our lives, but it will be for the better. Sometimes it will be painful and excruciating, other times I’m assured we’ll hold hands out in the garden, be washed by the sun, and feel the pain will be worth it.
I can’t thank you enough for all of your support, your prayers (those mean so much), and your concern. I’m sure you understand how being terrified can harm a man, but that having your thoughts with me made me feel so much better. Hearing from you, reading your comments…..I was able to go to bed warm, fed, humbled……cared about. You’ve done more for my spirit in these past weeks than I think I could have ever realized. And because of that, I know I’ll be fine.
…I wasn’t going to write anything else after that last statement. But, Phillip and I were talking earlier and we’ve decided that we’d like to keep the rest of this private. In a world filled with over sharing (and I am guilty of that), serious things, important things, real things must remain sacred. So, he and I discussed that when it comes to this discussion, we’d like to keep it close to home, deal with it privately, take care of what needs doing, and hope for the best.
I hope you understand that. I truly do. I want you to be with me, to hold me, to pray for me. But, I want to deal with this with him. He’s going to deal with a lot of painful days, a lot of days of rage because I know I’ll get angry and lash out. The beautiful thing about that man is that his strong bones don’t hold an ounce of malevolence….He’s going to tolerate the awful side of this, when I don’t want to handle it anymore, when I want to give up, when I’m angry, when I’m tired. He’s good at that. He’s so good at that. He’s so good at letting me go through these emotions, then comforting me. We have a long road ahead of us. I’m grateful that I’m not alone.
What I need from you is understanding about that. I need you to understand that I need a minute to move through this with your prayers. I truly do need them. I truly do hear them. That is what I need. So, if I discuss it no longer, doesn’t mean it’s over, but that the best thing for Phillip and I was to deal with this together. Your best wishes are always with me. Always. ALWAYS.
This is a blog about optimism, damn it. A blog about a man who beat the odds and found knitting to be his calling, his vocation. A man that found that he was not alone, and never ever would be again, because of you. So, I promise you, that no matter what’s going on, I’ll still be driving a heavy turn towards optimism, and that you should, too. I don’t want to hear any crying and whining out there. I want to hear about bold holds towards your loved ones when times go hard. I want to see you pick up your craft of choice and make a life for yourself. I don’t want to hear you say you deserve, I want to hear you say you earned, I want to hear you stomp through mud to get home and be happy about it, hear you wrestle your children to brush their teeth and bathe and love it, I want to hear you remark on how someone cut you off in traffic and you didn’t flinch, because you’re just too good in the way your life is going to be mindful of that crappy give and take game. I wanna hear you hugged your husband for no reason. I wanna hear you kissed your wife on the cheek for no reason. I wanna hear you explore life in ways you never thought possible. With a smile, with a gesture of kindness, with a simple chore to ease someone else’s burden.
That’s what you can do for me. Remind me, that the best possible life you are living for yourself is to NOT live it for yourself, but to give grace to someone else.
So, go cast on, grab those damned needles and that beautiful life of yours and go mad. Make a scarf for your enemy, a pair of socks for your foe, a teddy bear for your adversary.
That’s what we do when troubled times come calling. We don’t turn bitter.
We give grace….
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