What I Need From You….

I’m going to be fine. I’m going to be ok. Daily life around here is going to change dramatically for both Phillip and I, but I’m going to be ok. We’re going to have to change many things in our lives, but it will be for the better. Sometimes it will be painful and excruciating, other times I’m assured we’ll hold hands out in the garden, be washed by the sun, and feel the pain will be worth it.

I can’t thank you enough for all of your support, your prayers (those mean so much), and your concern. I’m sure you understand how being terrified can harm a man, but that having your thoughts with me made me feel so much better. Hearing from you, reading your comments…..I was able to go to bed warm, fed, humbled……cared about. You’ve done more for my spirit in these past weeks than I think I could have ever realized. And because of that, I know I’ll be fine.

…I wasn’t going to write anything else after that last statement. But, Phillip and I were talking earlier and we’ve decided that we’d like to keep the rest of this private. In a world filled with over sharing (and I am guilty of that), serious things, important things, real things must remain sacred. So, he and I discussed that when it comes to this discussion, we’d like to keep it close to home, deal with it privately, take care of what needs doing, and hope for the best.

I hope you understand that. I truly do. I want you to be with me, to hold me, to pray for me. But, I want to deal with this with him. He’s going to deal with a lot of painful days, a lot of days of rage because I know I’ll get angry and lash out. The beautiful thing about that man is that his strong bones don’t hold an ounce of malevolence….He’s going to tolerate the awful side of this, when I don’t want to handle it anymore, when I want to give up, when I’m angry, when I’m tired. He’s good at that. He’s so good at that. He’s so good at letting me go through these emotions, then comforting me. We have a long road ahead of us. I’m grateful that I’m not alone.

What I need from you is understanding about that. I need you to understand that I need a minute to move through this with your prayers. I truly do need them. I truly do hear them. That is what I need. So, if I discuss it no longer, doesn’t mean it’s over, but that the best thing for Phillip and I was to deal with this together. Your best wishes are always with me. Always. ALWAYS.

This is a blog about optimism, damn it. A blog about a man who beat the odds and found knitting to be his calling, his vocation. A man that found that he was not alone, and never ever would be again, because of you. So, I promise you, that no matter what’s going on, I’ll still be driving a heavy turn towards optimism, and that you should, too. I don’t want to hear any crying and whining out there. I want to hear about bold holds towards your loved ones when times go hard. I want to see you pick up your craft of choice and make a life for yourself. I don’t want to hear you say you deserve, I want to hear you say you earned, I want to hear you stomp through mud to get home and be happy about it, hear you wrestle your children to brush their teeth and bathe and love it, I want to hear you remark on how someone cut you off in traffic and you didn’t flinch, because you’re just too good in the way your life is going to be mindful of that crappy give and take game. I wanna hear you hugged your husband for no reason. I wanna hear you kissed your wife on the cheek for no reason. I wanna hear you explore life in ways you never thought possible. With a smile, with a gesture of kindness, with a simple chore to  ease someone else’s burden.

That’s what you can do for me. Remind me, that the best possible life you are living for yourself is to NOT live it for yourself, but to give grace to someone else.

So, go cast on, grab those damned needles and that beautiful life of yours and go mad. Make a scarf for your enemy, a pair of socks for your foe, a teddy bear for your adversary.

 

That’s what we do when troubled times come calling. We don’t turn bitter.

We give grace….

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28 comments

  1. Thank you for the reminder that all is possible with loving kindness. Prayers for you, Philip and Mario and Bacon as I knit. A scarf for someone I will never know has already been casted on, so while I knit I pray. I am very blessed to be able to knit and pray everyday. Blessings and healing coming your way. Remember you are very appreciated and loved. Helen

    1. I thought I had missed one too but from what I can gather there was a medical appointment, it did not go well and he’s kindly letting us know that it’s not our business but they will be okay. *shrug* My sister writes cryptic also so it’s sometimes hard to read between the lines but I think it boils down to they’d like prayers and some quiet time.🙂

  2. Thank you for letting us know to continue praying for you, which I am doing. You have come a long way, brother, and you and Phillip will continue to go forward. We are all here for you. I am knitting a teddy bear from your pattern for my new grandson to be born in May. New beginnings for me and new beginnings for you. I respect your privacy and I so, so appreciate your OPTIMISM! Hang in there.

  3. You see, even though you think of your blog as a public forum, I think of it as a private love letter between you and the people who care about you. Hold on to what’s sacred for now, but know that we’re here in the dark after all of the light you have given us. We’re on your side and pulling for you whether you decide to share this news or not. Anger and sadness may come and I hope we can return some light back to you. Much love and prayers…

    1. I saw this comment, and knew I couldn’t express it any better – so ditto to what Michele has expressed so wonderfully here. We are here, praying for you and Phillip. And will be here for as long as you need us.

      1. Well said- we’re with you- always. Every stitch, every project we knit you’ll be woven into the fabric of our yarn adventures. With Love. Love what your hands can still do- even if a little. Have hope. Thanks for everything- all your words and your heart. Sorry your life has been so hard, but maybe it was so it could press out such loveliness in the midst of trouble.

    2. Be well, and safe, and remember we love you for yourself and not for your ‘over shares’ I also agree with Michele, we are here to help distract and remind you, also much love and prayers…

    3. So yes previous commenter!

      Bless your heart for presenting your true self while maintaining boundaries. You are loved and worthy. Phillip, you as well by proxy and inherancy. My heart soars with love at every post. Such a strange thing these internet interweaves. My prayers continue for you both.

  4. my son and i have just discovered (3 sessions) equine therapy. he loves the horses and it is helping already. his therapist told me after his last session that he really does understand that i am doing all i can to help him and that he does appreciate it even though we still push each others buttons sometimes. i was coming, swiftly, to wits end and these things have given me a bit of second wind.
    i have been worried about you but i share with you my second wind and hope for you and Phillip and the furbies strength, and moments of joy to carry on.
    love,
    lyndell

  5. Hang in there, my friend, and don’t give up. You and Phillip have what it takes to get through this difficult time together. I’m pleased that you’ve both realized that changes are necessary, hard changes but changes which will yield a better, happier life for both of you in the long run. Prayers will continue to be said for both of you for as long as necessary.

  6. My prayers are with you. And you’re right about not sharing everything. As a couple, sometimes it is wise to create sacred space around something that is deeply challenging. Once you’re on the other side (remember Into The Woods?) if you choose to share with us, that’s great. But for right now I admire your instinct to honor the sacredness of what the two of you are facing together. Blessings to you, Gregory.

  7. Hugs and sending good thoughts. Working on a (very simple!) knitted kitty as my sister is expecting her second child soon.

  8. You, my friend, are a survivor. The body may not cooperate, but the mind is strong. You have many adventures and blessings yet to experience. You WILL get there. Take one day at a time and always remember to turn your face toward the light in life. Prayers and blessings to you, Philip, Mario, and Bacon.

  9. I only discovered you a few weeks ago, loved your message and became an immediate fan. I look forward to your blogs and get excited when I see one in my inbox. You have become my friend now, and I really care about you and I feel that you feel the same way about me! I’m so sorry for whatever horror you and your husband are facing. And I’m so glad that you have each other-not everyone is so lucky. Thank you for giving me your optimism and motivation! I WILL continue to knit every day for myself, my friends, my family and even my enemies. And, I will pray for you everyday! God bless you!

  10. So glad to hear from you!! You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers all week. I commend you for the way you are dealing with this…as it should be with Phillip. You need to know how much I love reading your stuff, I think you have such a gift with words. I think the world, all of us are so much better when we stop looking inward, but be more kind and caring and compssionate! You will be fine!!!!!!!!!! You have so many that care for you and will be lifting you up in thoughts and prayers. But, most of all ….don’t stop writing or knitting!! We love hearing from you! xoxo

  11. It’s so hard for the “caregivers” in the world to accept the care of others. Remember the grace of accepting help as well. We’ve “got” your backs, lifting you both up with love.

  12. Wow…..wow. Just what I needed to hear. I could tell you about the crap and pain in my life but today I dumped all our craft supplies on the table and I made a crafty mess with my children. I chose to go walk outside to look for signs of spring amongst the snow. I will crochet a scarf for a friend. And I read the most inspiring post on a blog of a very brave man. ( thats you) Thank you for your words and letting us in to part of your life. Lord, bless and take care of this man.

  13. I totally understand the need for privacy but please let us know when things start to look up for you both. I know things will get better, you have come such a long way. Chin up, hold Phillip’s hand and march onwards and upwards.

    Thinking of you every day as I share my bed with my bear, Gregory Phillip, we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of his brother. I will send you an email and picture of the meeting of two very special bears.

    Xxxxxxxxx

  14. Prayers for you both for comfort, strength, endurance and LOVE! I’m so happy to read your blog and your book. Rock on, sir!

  15. I totally understand, Gregory. There are just some things that should stay private. I have been praying for you since I first read your words and will continue as long as i have breath. The love and goodness you share are priceless. Take care of yourself, take care of Phillip and I’m sure he’ll take care of you and himself as well. There is blessing that you’re not facing whatever troubles alone, you did enough of that already. Hug each other and know that you’ll get through this and that those of us who follow you are holding you in our hearts. All the best.

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