Phillip and I were having one of our morning talks.
We have clockwork lives, and I’m happy of that. My life runs smoother when I have a routine. I am up between 3 and 5 every morning, start the kettle for coffee, jump in shower, read the headlines, start knitting, sip and wait for Phillip to wake. Once he does, I’m already jacked up on a full pot of java, I make him one of his own, then we start chit chatting randomly.
He caught me watching “Howard’s End” again this morning. I reminded him that every spring I immerse myself in that book and film. He asked quite simply, “Why is that?”
“Because I wish that was the book that was in me, to write. I want to write something that meaningful….”
And that’s when my face turned weird, as did his, and we both kind of looked at each other stunned, realizing I was stuck in the sort of trap that I generally tell people to avoid: yearning for something great and wonderful, and not realizing you already have it.
I HAVE written something meaningful, and continue to do so every time these fingers hit these sad computer keys. I DO write something meaningful….and all of you are testament to that.
I read these great comments about how this blog has changed perceptions, reminded of what’s important, how my book made you laugh and cry and call to current thought of what is important in life: to “only connect,” as E.M. Forster says in “Howard’s End.”
And I enthusiastically say that I HAVE accomplished that with my knitting and my writing. I have become a part of your life, and you have become a part of mine. And no matter what madness may lay outside in the world, this connection keeps me bold and strong, warm and content, fed and loved, comforted and forgiven.
I turned a sharp eye to him and asked, “Will you marry me?”
He quickly said, “Yes.”
And as I kissed him I thought, I HAVE something meaningful. No need to yearn for something greater. Because there is nothing greater than what I have now.
I HAVE already accomplished all the beauty in life that one could ever hope to claim….something meaningful.
“Ankle deep he waded through the blue bells. His spirit rose and exalted as he breathed in the sun drenched air. The glorious day was in it’s last decline. Long shadows lay on the sword and from above the leaves dripped their shimmering drops of gold, green light. Moths and butterflies swarmed in marry hosts, flittering here, glimmering there. But, hush…could that be a deer?”
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