Goodness, you should have seen the way I started writing this blog. Awful. This very post was not working well, my writing was off, my thoughts skewed. And I kept combating my own ideas for the sake of purpose. It was dark, hopeless, sad. And I don’t care for that. Nope. That’s not where I like my head to go. Should this all fall apart, it would be because I let go of faith, hope, joy; the same tools that have kept me alive and looking forward.
To lift my spirits I wandered out to the garden area next to our apartment building. There is a dilapidated old fence that has recently been brought to life by the blossoming eruption of a bougainvillea. Faintly, it’s petals bloomed with such an eerie speed, that it hid the neglect and pain of the fence nearly overnight. That was all I needed to set my mind right, so that I could write this blog properly. In moments of crisis, in moments of pain, it is imperative to strive to find beauty. That was the moment I needed.
Phillip mentioned last night how I don’t really tend to material things. A couple of flowers popping out of the ground and I’m content. I don’t need a car, don’t need the latest fashions, don’t need to be seen at the trendiest restaurants. I walk to enjoy the foliage as I stroll to where I need to go, get my clothes from the thrift store, and cook at home for my love and I from our garden. I cling to moments more than to materials. My book collection has come and gone, my yarn comes in and is knit up into teddy bears. Fleeting things, memorable things. I rarely hold my enjoyment to things that are held in the hand.
So, it’s been quite a chore for us to think about a wedding registry. Can you imagine? We could use sheets and towels…..that was about it. But, even then, I was reluctant. What we have works fine. We don’t need a good set of china, nor do we need a Kitchen Aid. We don’t want a barbecue grill and we really love our dollar store Fiesta Ware. (It’s lovely really. Bright, multicolored and very sturdy…and each piece was a dollar).
What we wish for instead is to face each other on our wedding day as equals (that’s why we picked the equinox). But, more so, to see that the other isn’t in pain anymore. He hates seeing me in pain. Now, my health issues can’t be cured, but they can be contained for a long time. His? He has a cyst on his forehead that was marble sized a year ago, but has grown to a ripened golf ball. It hurts him, but he barely says a word. We always seem to be dealing with my health. Sometimes, he can’t help it though, and I can see him rubbing it and wincing.
Without pain, we’ll be able to move ahead without distraction, like we often try. Laughing mostly, big smiles when we can, and coy winks at each other just to remind each other of what we mean to each other. And hopefully we can break this loop and get up and going, really get going with our dreams. And those dreams would take us to such beautiful moments. Can you imagine if my book sold beautifully, if there were a teddy bear in every empty arm, and then…..Honeychurch? Can you imagine if we actually had Honeychurch? (Which we are hoping will be outside Micanopy, Florida. More on why there at a later date). And that’s how we break this cycle of physical pain that keeps us from getting ahead. We break it with joy, striving for beauty wherever we can find it.
We want to invite everyone, so we’re not sure where it will be. Most likely a park nearby, where there is enough space for anyone and everyone who wants to come and spend the day with us eating ribs, and coleslaw, potato salad, baked beans, and cornbread…..God, I hope I’m well enough to eat then!!! I miss all that SO much. And a chance for all of us to meet each other! What a beautiful thing that would be! To see all of you with me on such a great day. Try and come, if you can. We’ll let you know well ahead of time where it will be so you can just arrive when you desire.
So, that’s our wedding registry. Good health and a great wedding so we can start our lives together beautifully. And if that guy on kickstarter can raise $50,000 for a batch of potato salad, then we should be able to come up with a fraction of that to get our medical issues tended to and a great party for all of you who want to come to our wedding to say thank you.
Gonna go back to that bougainvillea and smile for a minute 🙂 Cheers.
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