I’m assuming this will be the last post on this topic. Or, at least I hope it is, for I do feel we have come to a resolution to the controversy that erupted a week ago.
Our decisions always give clear indications of the persons we are, they define our character better than our words do. When asked today how I would like to proceed legally…..I have to say that I could say nothing. The looming idea that, even though I was hurt financially, and my reputation thrown to the wolves, I was given the question on how I wanted to pursue this legally.
All I could think of was that the person that I had done this to me, had rallied a mob to defame me, had rushed them together to purposely lie and urged them to make false statements in public, would be possibly financially ruined. Who knows how deep the damage could be. The woman in question, despite her venomous actions, might have lost more than she had bargained for. Maybe her home, maybe her business. And as much as she made that her attempt on me, I find some deep sympathy in someone being ruined. (Obviously, when you know my own personal history of being homeless for so long). I have to confess that I felt troubled at the notion that I could do that to someone, because that is not the person that I am, or rather, that is not the person that I would want to become. So, I decided not to proceed with the matter legally. Doesn’t mean I can’t in the future, that is to say, if she or her friends decide to proceed with these attempts publicly, I will reconsider. But, I have not heard a word from her. Oh, yes, there are some nasty things being said, all of which untrue (“He attacked an autistic person!” Of course, I didn’t. Don’t be ridiculous).
But, the woman who incited this, who actually I do have a case against, In am not going to sue at this time. After a long walk alone, I could only think of her losing her home, probably causing damage to her life, her family, and all over an outrage on her part. I do think she should remember that the other people on the end of these interwebs are real people, and no one finds true heroes in those that destroy. We find our heroes in the compassionate.
All I ever wanted to begin with was for her to rally those same people and say she was wrong. All I ever wanted to do was talk her and ask why? All I ever wanted was for her to recognize what she had done and make it right, urge the same people that were smearing my Amazon and Facebook page to maybe put it all back together again and bring harmony back. And yes, I did want her to compensate me, not necessarily out of pocket, but to urge them to buy my books and bears. That would have been a great start towards reconciliation. And who knows? With the power of our combined abilities to, we might have been allies. You never know. And we REALLY were hurt financially by this. She may not know it, but we live pretty much hand to mouth. We couldn’t afford a setback at the moment. She could have helped to repair that, maybe even make it better, and I in turn could have found a great story in her own passion and drive. I imagine we will never know.
But, I never got any of that. I was never even given an apology, although I hear she has gone into internet “hiding.” Maybe she has remorse. Sadly, I will never know. As financially hurt as I was by this, I cannot feel comfortable that I would receive a windfall by someone else’s demise. That’s not how I hope to make a profit.
So, I guess that’s the end of it. I do have to say, while writing this now, I felt like crying. You know that pressure that builds behind the eyes, pulsing and framing itself into tears? I haven’t cried yet. I’m the sort that doesn’t tend to. Maybe I should more. I feel like I wanted to cry because….so many people were hurt in all of this, but….of all the people that were hurt, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my enemy.
I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt my enemy….
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