The Reason Friends Don’t Think You Can Succeed

So a friend came over to check on my health, which is doing much better by the way. I’m getting my energy back little by little every day. Phillip set up a space in his little garden area for me to sit and write in the Spring morning light. I’m looking forward to showing you pics of that in my next post. I still have the cough, and we’ve learned that it pretty much stops when the air in the house is above 80 degrees. If it drops below 70, it hits me hard, so hard I can’t breathe. Humidity is also my enemy, so we’re looking forward to having this all out of my system before the wet season gets here in June. But, over all, I’m feeling so much better. But, it was my friend’s visit that had me cringing with disapproval. I got angry, dismissive, and went looking in my soul for that ambition that has eluded me these last months.

Phillip and I have always had our little dream of a little house of our own, with its little garden of fresh tomatoes, and window boxes full of flowers. While I was sick, he drew a little picture on our kitchen black board of our little place to help make me feel better. A place we’ll name in homage to E.M. Forster: “Honeychurch.”

Now, when my friend was here she saw the picture, asked what it was about and I told her, to which she sort of laughingly responded, “You’ll never own a house.”

“Why not?”

“Well, how? You’ll never make enough money to own a house. How are you going to do that? Selling teddy bears?”

“Teddy bears and books.”

She sort of scoffed. “Oh, yeah…I forgot. Your ‘books.’ They’re hardly bestsellers.”

“You know, sometimes the only thing that stands in the way of your goals are negative obstacles. Like people and their opinions of what you can and can’t do.”

“Don’t get me wrong, goals are important to have….just as long as they’re achievable.”

WTF???? What is the point of having a goal then? You can aspire to acquire or become anything in the world you want, but you have to have something to strive for, and every day you do at least ONE thing to get you closer to that achievement. Oh, it made me mad, SO mad that someone I call a friend doesn’t believe in my successes. I mean, think of it. I wanted to shake the shit out of her and say, “LOOK HOW FAR MY GOAL HAS GOTTEN THIS FAR!!!! You don’t think I can go any FURTHER????? THIS isn’t proof enough for you?????”

Maybe it will take one bear at a time, maybe it will take selling a book that is already almost 10 years old. (Its still one helluva good book, I’ll find a new audience to read it). The point is, the only person standing in the way of your dreams is you. I’m not going to let someone else tell me I’m just never going to be successful enough to win my goal. Why in the world would I give someone else that much power? You don’t have to cut them out of your life, just smile with pity at them, for the truth is, they probably feel even WORSE about their own goals and dreams. And if they know they’ll never achieve their own, then they want to make sure you don’t either.

So, here’s my bear for the day. Yep, one bear at a time, if that is what it takes. He’s a one of a kind. Not another like him. Just like all of us. If you’d like to adopt him, click here.

I’ve also finished another Crayon Bear. There’s only one. So be sure to snag him before he’s gone. Click here to take him home.

See ya’ll next time when I show my little writing space in Phillip’s garden.

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10 comments

  1. Thanks so much. I needed that! What you said made so much sense. Even when a friend can seem so unsupportive, we can’t lose track of our goals. We have to continue to believe in ourselves.

  2. Oh Dear. I do hope you can see past her clumsy remarks and remain friends. I would like to point out tho, that what she was probably meaning to get to is the fact that is so obvious to the rest of us. When it comes to finding your bliss, you and Phillip are already there. The house may come, or it may not. But you two are solid. And that is not something to be ignored for the dream of what may (or may not) ever be. What she should have done was to remind you of the beauty and joy that you have right here and now. But then, I don’t think you’ve ever really had any problem seeing that have you?

  3. Are you even sure this person is your friend? There is nothing worse than having someone discourage you from pursuing the dream that keeps you going every day. You need all the positive energy you can surround yourself with, and you deserve positive, supportive people around you. You and Phillip keep on drawing, keep on knitting, keep on pushing, and keep on dreaming. That little house will be yours someday, I just know it.

  4. That was unnecessary of her. Why would you stomp on someone’s dreams? It will happen if you believe it will. I’m happy you are feeling better and able to sit outside. You inspire me.

  5. Never listen to someone when they are getting down on your dreams! A small little house is never out of the spectrum if you just put your mind to it and have enough saved so it is affordable.

  6. You reminded me of an individual I worked with in the past. He was 35 and had Downs Syndrome and fairly severe intellectual disabilities and health challenges. His dream was to move out of his family’s house. Now the odds of this happening were slim to none as his family was not in the least supportive. I believe that having a dream is what gives us a reason to get up in the morning so I bought him a binder and plastic sleeves and pages.

    We sat and looked through catalogs and magazines for things he would need to move out (dishes, furniture, a vacuum cleaner, etc). It made him happy to sit and work on his book and he would proudly show it to anyone.

    His mother told me I was cruel encouraging him that way. My response was that he is entitled to have a dream, no matter what it is. I didn’t tell her about the supermodels he was sure he would have live with him.

    He died several years ago, never having moved out. That part didn’t matter to me. While he lived, he had a dream he believed in. THAT mattered.

    You keep dreaming your future. As Thoreau put it, “If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

  7. UGH! There was no reason for her to say that, NONE! Real friends don’t crap all over your dreams. And you never know WHAT may happen in the future. You’re unusual, highly talented (I am a writing SNOB and I know talent when I see it) and you have fans all over the world. Who knows what may happen next? You’ve already done the hardest thing, the thing that would bring 99% of us down, you’ve escaped homelessness. After that, what’s a house?Keep knitting, keep writing, keep dreaming and cross that “friend” off your Christmas card list! 😛

  8. Very well said, very well. I hatne it when one human being dumps their negativity on another, especially a friend. I’ve witnessed parents doing this to their own children, destroying their dreams rather than encouraging them and it breaks my heart. Words can be so cruel. Don’t ever give up your dreams.

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