Lessons from the Death of a Rosary

There I was doing laundry. Clothes were being piled in, detergent tossed in, slam went the lid and bam! We’re off to the races. A few minutes later I heard this grating, irritating noise coming from the machine. Belching from the bellows of the slosh and swirl of the whirling water was this grinding racket that sent me into a tizzy. My head went quickly to thoughts of dangerous things in pockets. I clenched my teeth and whispered to myself in an aggravated tone, “PHILLIP!” He’s famous for it, you know. He’s always leaving the truck keys, his switchblade, anything big and dangerously bulky and metallic in his pants for me to wash. All I could do was wait for the cycle to end so that I could pull out the culprit, lay it at his feet in contempt, and wave my finger at him, all the while hoping the washing machine hadn’t been ruined.

Now, you’ve read to the title of this post, there is no mystery. You know what I found when I was finally able to open the lid. My rosary. It had been torn to shreds, broken into multiple pieces, some found, some probably washed out to sewage. Suddenly my mind hearkened back to the day before. I had decided to walk up to Publix by myself. I had the rosary in my hand for some sense of safety, working on my agoraphobia, taking small steps towards larger progress. Once I got into the store I had put the rosary in my pocket….and must have forgotten about it completely.

Now, the rosary isn’t the issue. A rosary is an intimate thing, surely, but you can readily find one if you know where to look. However, it was the very notion that I had just so quickly jumped into judgments about my beloved. That bothered me. Here I was cursing him up and down for something I thought he had done, when in fact, it had been me the whole time. I had sat there seething in anger waiting for the laundry to finish, festering in the pestering blight of judgement. I loved him more than anything one minute, slammed him in my thoughts as thoughtless and reckless the next.

Without knowing ANYTHING, I had rushed to judgement and had sacrificed my husband in order to embrace anger.

I went and lit a candle. Why had I been so quick to blame? Why was it so easy for me to assume? Obviously, faults and flaws abound in all of us. If we’re lucky, we get confronted with them so we can challenge them, work on them, chip them away. If we’re blessed, we get the chance to make amendments to our souls by declaration of character. I’m an asshole sometimes. There, I said it. Now I need to work on that. Greater is the man who demands more of himself than of others.

When Phillip woke, I told him what happened, confessing that I thought he had been the culprit. But, do you know what he said? “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it. I get it. Its not like I haven’t left my stuff in my pockets a thousand times. Of course you would have thought it was me. Forget about it.” Which is why he is an amazing man and I can be a prick sometimes. I gave him the biggest kiss on the cheek and thanked him.

But, we learn, don’t we? Everyday we learn more and more about what frustrates us about ourselves, what corrections we need to make to the emotions in order to free our own souls from the bondage of negativity.

I have a new rosary now. This time I picked a wooden, double stranded number. I like the feel of it in my hands, as slowly the rosary is getting accustomed to me.

On the knitting front, I’ve moved on to new colors, but gone back to the old standard of Lionbrand’s Wool Ease. It really is the best yarn for my knit animals. And I didn’t want to do traditional colors just yet, like the lion for instance. I was loving the “seaspray” with the “chocolate.” However, when it came to the bunny, I had so much of that delightful “mushroom” left over, I put it to good use. I’m really happy with the way the lion came out, and may do a whole set of bears, lions, tigers, elephants and bunnies all in that same color scheme.

If you’d like to adopt the lion, click here. That wonderful little rabbit has a bushy little tail made with the same “chocolate,” although I neglected to take a picture of it. So, if you’d like the bunny, click here. They both sure could use some caring, comforting homes really soon.

Learn something new about yourself that could use a challenging correction. Light a candle, close your eyes and just think about what harshness you harbor that keeps you one loving heartbeat away from bliss.

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7 comments

  1. See, I do read your blog! Often. So there.

    I’m proud of you.
    To admit to someone that you harboured negative thoughts about them, and then apologize to them for those thoughts, is a really hard thing to learn. Some people never get it.
    Acquiring the patience to await an outcome, and learning to accept what is real is important. Too often people jump with their emotions, which then leads to even more turmoil.

    The author of a book we are listening to is fond of saying things like “Reason should rule emotion” and “What ‘IS’ is real, all else doesn’t matter”. (If I misquoted, the mistake is purely mine, and due to my own internal interpretation of what he really said. What I want him to have said.)

    It took a great deal of internal strength on your part to say this to Phillip. And it took even more courage to put this admission out for public perusal and possible ridicule.
    You’ve done a great thing.

    Have yourself a great day!

    David

  2. i find myself doing this at times, and i’ve been trying to put it in check. when it does happen, it does make you stop and give pause, and hopefully more self-aware, and not as quick to judge –

  3. Every month we need to pay the house bills, I can walk in and throw myself on the staff at the council office and they find me in the system and they can let me pay the bill with no paperwork (they do know me well) but for the last few years I have tried to have the paperwork to hand! last month I couldn’t find the paperwork as husband had been doing things with our bills and had put all the paperwork safe including my house bills! well I sat quietly and made him find them, he turned over his paperwork pile and no paperwork for the house, then his complete paperwork still no joy, he then started checking in his clothes and his car and everywhere! and no joy! after 3 hours of me biting my tongue to not have a go the paperwork turned up! on my desk! been there all along! oops humble pie was eaten and I was so glad I hadn’t had a go at him while he was hunting!
    It can be easy to moan and point fingers but we must know that anything we do can be done to us too!, I hope you get a new rosary soon and I hope the message of the knee-jerk reaction helps you. ❤

  4. One of my ongoing “resolutions” is to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I am trying to live by the Four Agreements
    -Be impeccable with your word
    -Don’t take anything personally
    -Don’t make assumptions
    -Always do your best

    As I am a work in progress, some days I do better than others.

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