You know, when I started this blog nearly 10 years ago now, my very first post was something of a call in the wilderness. I was alone, felt unloved, was living in the woods, miles from the nearest town. And that sort of isolation reverberated my own soul’s pain and loneliness.
Life has changed so much since then. My life has been enriched by total strangers, my confidence in my artistry, in my words, in my writing, was strengthened. I often pushed myself to the limits, but other times I wilted with fear. Man, these last ten years have been quite the ride.
But, it dawned on me, that the growth, exploration, and truth I found in all of the ups and downs would not have been possible had none of you encouraged me to keep going, despite whatever hardships, despite what pain I was in, despite spite itself. You told me to just keep my head up and do this! Because you insisted that I was not alone.
Had I not published that first blog post, I would have never found you. NEVER! Because sometimes a beacon isn’t just a light shining the way to safety, but can also be a distress signal. There isn’t a thing wrong with being in total darkness and shining a light up to the heavens to simply say, “Is there anybody out there? I’m over here!”
You have to express yourself, you have to let others know that you’re not well and that you need help. Pains of the heart can grow so big and bold that they take over your soul. And you don’t ever want that to happen. Believe it or not, the heart is easier to heal than the soul is. The soul takes much more damage than the heart does.
I fell into knitting like a mad man, to sustain myself, and to escape from the darkness. But, sometimes our knitting needles and crochet hooks aren’t enough.
Sometimes I light my prayer candles for others, sometimes for myself….and sometimes just for that comforting glow and that small flame’s radiance, reminding the darkness that it won’t win. Show your light, let anyone know that you’re in pain. You’ll be very surprised that more people love you than you realize. Total strangers, even. People whom you’ve never had the great fortune of HUGGING in real life are holding you in their thoughts and prayers. Trust me. I know this from experience. And I’m not kidding, that feeling is extremely powerful over depression. To know that you’re loved by somebody who has never actually met you face to face, that cares for you simply because you are? Who hears you? There is no other definition for bliss.
There is nothing wrong with you, nothing at all. We all experience dark moments in our lives. But, when you do, it is so vital to express it, share it, tell it to someone before it darkens you to the point of no return.
And I don’t want to see or hear of any one of you that have dealt with depression tell me you haven’t anyone to talk to, or share with. Because if you’re reading this blog, then you have ME. I’m always here. Always ready to listen. You can tell anyone, but if you feel you haven’t a soul in the world to hear your cries, then tell ME. Depression can clinch you, strangle and suffocate you if you don’t talk about it and share it. Find a way to share if you feel that no one cares. Because you’ll find out that you’re wrong. I care. And many MANY others out there do, too. Light your candle. They’ll find you.
Don’t worry. I’ve got your back.
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