Now, just look at that picture. THAT is a self portrait. I’ve been so busy these last few days, busting out knit this and written that, that I was so grateful to have a rainy day. Obviously I was still knitting, and since you’re reading this, I am obviously still writing. But, there was something different about today.
I needed to relax.
It was rainy, grey, gross….perfect for a Sunday. You know the kind of day. Nowhere you need to be, no one you need to see? So, you wake in your jammies and you stay there, put on your knit socks and find comfort in them. Yes, those are two different pairs of socks. I get great excitement in watching one sock self striping itself, but then get bored doing the color way for the other sock. Everyone “harumphs” and says, “damn….now I have to make two.” Who says? Proudly show your work on both feet.
So, when I woke this morning with rain pelting the window screens, I was pretty much locked in. Didn’t need to change clothes. And even Phillip said, “Why don’t you take the day off?”
Pish-posh. Take a day off? I’ve never heard of such a thing. I wake, I create, I put full pedal to the metal and scream, “I need to do this!”
But, he was right. I really needed to. I have been working so hard to get this new apartment, and I am so close….so freakin’ close to having the money for the deposit and the first and last months rent that you find me packing things up, not buying a lot of food (yes, we’ve been having a lot of sandwiches). You can even find me pacing while I think about what to blog, what to write, what to say that can finally make my name have some value. You can find me knitting through skeins of yarn at record pace. My personal best when I was homeless was three bears a day….I’m currently at two because I now beautifully have a husband and three cats to tend to. (They rely on me, you know…if for nothing other than the reminder that we are a family).
Today, I took a moment to breathe….
And I realized I haven’t fought this hard for something since I was homeless. Oh, trust me. Once you’ve been there you’ll do everything in your power to NEVER be in that situation again. Takes a day to become homeless. A DAY….and can take years to get back out. That situation from before becomes the cornerstone of every little thing you think about.
Today, in my pajamas….I breathed.
You cannot take care of your family if you’re not taking care of yourself. So, I took today to breathe, to let my husband tend to himself, let the cats battle it out on their own without my needing a water bottle to spritz them, and breathed.
And in one breath it occurred to me: Ok, I’ll take care of myself today. But, I will knit and write until my fingers bleed to take care of my family.
I’m looking forward to the day when I can show a photo of all five of us, me, Phillip, and the fur babies, all in our new home….all accomplished with bears and books….and a day of needed rest. I am so close.
To grab my classic teddy bear, click here.
To read my “Madam and Brown” series, click here.
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