To The Ladies I Banned From My Facebook Page

Well, I had to finally break down and ban a few people from my facebook page. Four women to be exact. Now, I hate having to do that (no, I don’t. I rather enjoy it), but they left me with no choice. Ok, they were having a quick discussion between themselves about horrible and sad I was, how stuck I was on this Ravelry theme, even though that whole incident was soooo long ago (which is not at ALL what I have been blogging about lately). But, fine. I don’t care. I am as hated by as many people that love me. It comes with the territory.

But, the insulting thing….the really insulting thing, was that they were commenting on my own facebook page as though I weren’t even in the room. I wanted to tap on my laptop screen and go, “Dude….I’m standing right here listening to you.”

See? Only mean girls do that. They walk up next to you, stand right beside you in your space and say things to each other about you as though you weren’t there. That’s probably because cowards always travel in packs and don’t have the guts to say things to your face, but resort to audible gossip to make it seem like you don’t belong in the conversation people are having about you.

I could have replied, could have had a delightful time chewing them up, but that gives them validation. They want to be seen, be heard, be emotional motivated by you, even if it is in anger…..And you NEVER give your enemy what they want….even if its a fight.

No, my philosophy is very simple. Do not respond to people like them. Shut them down, shut them out. I’m happy in my merry little world and I have no interest in letting you into my living room and have you piss in the corner….then laugh about it close enough for me to hear.

(Off topic, but kinda not. A women mentioned my battered, weathered old face in one of my pics. I could only respond, “Sorry. All that time being homeless really did a number on my skin.”)

Which brings me to another principle philosophy change that I’ve learned about people like that. My mother was concerned about some of the nasty and negative comments about me she would see on my facebook page. I put my hand over my mouth, leaned in, and said quietly under my breath, “If they haven’t bought books and bears, then who gives a crap what they think? I’m spending my time with people who want to see me thrive and survive….not with people trying to break my spirit.”

“To the ladies I banned:

I am so sorry I had to take that step, but I’m sure you understand that I am having the time of my life right now, haven’t felt more free with my writing, I haven’t a penny to my name, but for as many of you that truly dislike what I have to say, or who I am, I have just as many more that truly love me and what I’m trying to do. I truly hope you find the peaceful benefits of knitting. I wish you well, I wish you peace.”

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17 comments

  1. It is so sad that this world seems to be shy of grown ups. I am sorry that there are those who consider themselves better than anyone else. Those women should be ashamed of themselves but you and I both know that they never will own what they said. So happy that you are the better person and lead by example. Kudo’s to you!!! Keep knitting and keep smiling!

  2. You do what you need to do to take care of you! I’ve watched your metamorphosis and am damn proud to say you are in inspiration! Keep being you and we will keep buying your patterns!

  3. <> Sadly, there are unhappy people who express themselves in meanness among us. I’m glad you protected your ground. For me, I’m dealing with that at work. Tonight, while I spruce up my resume I’ll play some of your Your Tube videos. Gregory, you and Phillip always make me laugh. And tonight I need to laugh.

  4. <> Sadly, there are unhappy people who express themselves in meanness among us. I’m glad you protected your ground. For me, I’m dealing with that at work. Tonight, while I spruce up my resume I’ll play some of your Your Tube videos. Gregory, you and Phillip always make me laugh. And tonight I need to laugh.

  5. That is rude and very mean girl sh*t. Do men behave so badly? Amazingly, for my age, I still get this treatment on occasion. You’re not alone. Unfortunately.

  6. Bless their angst ridden, angry, shriveled little hearts. What they really need is a cute little bear with a hat, and ha, they don’t have one.

  7. I’m sorry to hear that you had to deal with such women. I wouldn’t call them “ladies”. They probably don’t knit. I suspect all of the nasty creatures over at Ravelry aren’t true knitters either because I always associate knitting with people who are kind.

    As a teenager, I didn’t have a lot of money because I was working while going through college. A local knitting group gave me yarn and patterns and taught me to knit blankets for charity. It was a much needed break from the stress of that time. It was such a gift.

    My LYS still hosts charity knitting. I’m still involved, although now I can donate yarn to help others as well as do some knitting. That’s what knitting is supposed to be like. You participate and help one another. You develop a sense of community. There is kindness.

    Now that the spell of Ravelry has been broken, I’m starting to remember real knitting culture.

    Ravelry isn’t about knitting. It’s about marketing. It’s a way to make us buy more patterns and yarn than we could ever reasonably use while paying insane amounts of money for such things. It’s about acquiring stuff. Lots of stuff. Hoarding is highly encouraged. There is always a better something one needs to buy. It never stops.

    Why would we expect such an environment to support kindness? It isn’t set up for that at all.

  8. Well said. I just bought your book on Amazon, but am not seeing patterns you have for sale on your website. Looking forward to your next topic of discussion. You provide thought provoking thoughts for days. Trolls are just that, trolls. Glad you know there are many of us that love your writing.

  9. Greg, I agree with so much of what you have been struggling with. I was an avid Facebook user, especially with knitting and yarn buying. OMG, I was hooked! I found my space, my place, my fun interesting people! The knitting groups were awesome! So much help right there at my fingertips, and soooooo friendly! And an added bonus were the yarn dyers! OMG again! Who knew there was so many talented people dyeing such gorgeous yarn! Suddenly I KNEW! Hand-dyed yarn was where I needed to be! What I needed to have! OH YES! No more big box mass marketed yarn for me! Support the local yarn stores, but only on the hand-dyed stock! Go to the fiber festivals and meet them in person! Loving it (How do I get rid of all the NORO and Malabrigo I unknowingly bought before I discovered hand-dyeds?!). Facebook was so easy, I could just stay home and shop and buy buy buy!!!! Then BOOM! The knitting world went crazy! First little trickles of pesky subjects like black people have it so much harder to sell their products than white people do…? Really? I buy from some, but they are on Facebook so…? Next its getting more out there, people are bumped out of groups because they are picking on people? What, who? Lists, what lists? I’m on a list? Yep I’m on a list about BIPOC non-participating or something. Yes I did respond on a few posts where I said that I felt each and every dyer or maker made their business successful based on their own hard work, not the color of their skin.

    Then I hear there are many many shops being picked on by these BIPOC groups and forced to declare what side they are on. And then POOF! Suddenly there are LGBTQIA groups attacking knitting groups and angry discussions going back and forth about ruining our friendly knitting communities. I admit I became embroiled in some of these battles by saying can’t we just get along and knit?! “OH you poor priveledged white knitter! Did we upset you with this? Have we upset your world? So Sorry Not Sorry!” On and on. I backed off that subject when the group moderaters jump in and ban whoever started it. I resolved to not get suckered into those subjects again. Then BAM! Indie Untangled WAS one of my favorite blogs I subscribed to and followed on Facebook. It had all these wonderful creative knitting dyers and makers and designers! LOVED IT! All in one place! Yay! But one day there was a blog post with President Trump’s face on it and an article. The blog lady said read this post! It will help clear up any confusion you may have been having about racism! Well, I’m not confused about it, but I read it anyway. BIG MISTAKE! What shit is this? The gist was that unless you are actively fighting against racism, you are in fact a racist! You can’t be passive and think this has nothing to do with me, because that means you are a racist! So, here I go, I write to the blog lady and post a question about why it has to be on her page when this is supposed to be about knitting and selling yarn! Can’t we just leave out political articles meant to inflame people? That was when people started attacking en masse! I really think there are patrollers, or just trolls, who look or watch for anything or anyone they can jump on to attack! It is like someone said, “Hey everyone! Over on this page there is another one who thinks she isn’t a racist!” And off they go to spread the nasty comments and attacks. They are rude and crude, superior and nasty! But I kept coming back with why is it necessary to bring politics into our knitting groups? SomeONE actually said it isn’t political but humanitarian. I beg to differ when you put the presidents photo on an article to grab attention.

    And what the heck does the LGBTQIA have to do with it? It is just obvious that this means, anyone not white and straight. Gee, I am white and straight! I must be racist!!! So, in the end, I decided for my own sanity to get off Facebook! It isn’t worth the aggravation in my life. I’m glad I didn’t sell all my big box yarn. At least those yarn manufacturers didn’t drive me away by attacking me on Facebook. I can always buy my yarn online at WEBS or other big box places like I used to.

    I look at my hand-dyed yarn bins and think, I’m so glad this happened! It was an INTERVENTION! I actually needed to stop this yarn buying addiction! And now I am CURED!!! Wow! I am smiling!!!

    I enjoy your posts. Don’t stop! You are a good writer and I like your style.

    Lisa Stallings

  10. I have a mantra that I think when ever I deal with ‘Mean girl’s or similar, it is I don’t have a problem, you may have a problem with me but it isn’t mine and I refuse to take it off you, its yours and you can keep it.! I like your aside to your mum it is true, we love you and support you, they can go find the solution to their own problem! 🙂 not your problem. ❤

  11. I think you did the right thing by banning them. Why should you allow haters to make nasty comments about you on YOUR page. I think you have come a long way and done very well for yourself. I love your blog, your writing and your bears. I wish you nothing but good fortune and a happy and healthy life. You are an inspiration

  12. Wooohoooo! Kudos to YOU for being the better person and not feeding into their crap. I don’t get on Facebook very often, and that is one of the reasons why. None of us need that kind of drama. Good for you! Proud to call you friend, as always. 🙂

    Zanna Laud

  13. Love your post. The best part is where you didn’t want your mom to see all the negative things about you. That’s so sweet! As the mom of three grown up kids who’ve dealt with some things themselves, this warmed my heart. I just want to say, Bless You Little Heart!

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