I Have to End This For Good

Obviously the reason for a New Year’s resolution is to better ourselves. Funny that we pick things we don’t need a lot of self reflection on. No, we go right to the heart of what has been plaguing us for a while. We don’t need contemplative moments when it comes to resolutions. We’ve been thinking about that one nasty habit that haunts us daily, that we know is wrong, that we’re usually paralyzed by.

My usual New Year’s resolution is to “just be a better person than I was last year.” Because I am fully aware of the moments I screwed up…. Every year I make the same proclamation to be morally better, to enrich my character, to think about mistakes that might have hurt people and just be a better person.

But, that’s just lazy….

No, that previous resolution gave me an excuse to not really sit and think about the desire for change. It was just some sort of evolution of the self, and not a definite resolution that desperately needs to happen. Something has to end.

My resolution this year doesn’t rest on striving towards a better version of myself. This year I avow myself to something that must be fought, battled, and conquered. Because, if truth be told, I cannot be a better person than the year I was before if I do not isolate my thoughts to the one thing that keeps me from being that: fear.

There are bountiful mountains of moments I could explore and enjoy if only fear were tossed under a bus and defeated for good. What an amazing life I will have, once I trample fear under my foot. I longingly think of the people I will get to meet, once fear has been made bed-ridden.

There has been a heavy veil of fear hindering my sense of self.

And my intention is to resolve this once and for all. I have to end this captive romance of fear for good.

That is my New Year’s resolution: to no longer fear whatever it was that keeps me truly enjoying the beauty of life, the hindrances that keep from blooming….whatever those fears may be.

You know, in the process of writing this, I felt the universe, God, backhand me upside the soul and say, “You do realize the that I, the Universe, God, is nothing but absolute love. So, it isn’t Me that you’re afraid of….it’s being loved by Me. Because I, the Universe, God, have told you, over and over that I am all knowing…. and that if you trust Me in all things, you will have no reason to fear.”

Damn. Message received.

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2 comments

  1. May God bless and protect you and those you love in the coming year.

    And do a re-do of your Christmas meatloaf for New Years! Along with black eyed peas and greens for good luck and money, of course. 😉

  2. Message received…. but now you have to integrate it into your soul……. that is the tough part! Love and Blessings to you in the New Year and always!

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