I have been so frustrated lately. And we’re not talking a middle of the road, constant annoyance, mind you. I’m talking about this rising apex of frustration that finally came to a head today.
I’ve been trying to finish the “Madam and Mr. Brown” series for the last month. Total page count to date? Less than 20. Every time I sit down to write there is a nuisance of some kind. Usually a leaf blower, maybe another UPS truck, a giggling girl walking under my window screaming, “irma gird YAS!” on her phone, or “Amy” who loves loves loves to come home at 3am with a tribe of trollops all ready to party and go “girls gone wild” in the building stairwell. I know her name is Amy because when people drive up at 3:15am to join her party, they’ll park across the way, (all zig zagged as drunkerds do), and scream, “Party at Amy’s! WOOOOOOO!”
Phillip says that this is just life in a complex. I say he’s not here all day trying to work and doesn’t hear how LOUD it is….and that at this rate I’ll be moving from this complex to the loony bin in no time flat.
I don’t think he understands the apex my of frustration. It isn’t a paramount of noises, nuisances and distractions that keep me constantly, perpetually off point and out of focus. The apex of my frustration is the realization that I cannot change the world around me.
The world is not equipped, nor does it instinctively desire, to soldier the cares, concerns, or interests of any one person. Not even me. I am not that important. (I kinda gulp when I say it out loud).
I hate that. I truly do. This notion that one person could possibly even consider making demands of the rest of the world….especially when that demand is for nothing but self interest. And I felt a little embarrassed for myself.
I remember this little old lady I once met. Now, she was 90 years old and her name was “Pee Wee.” Apparently, her whole life she’d been smaller than most, hence the name. Funny enough, the same people that had given her the name were now dead, and how fun that she was still carrying around that nickname.
I was at a pool party in Savannah. And while there where a ton of lovely young men in skimpy things running around, I saw out of the corner of my eye this delightful old, wrinkly thing, lounging on a lawn chair in full biker leather.
Now, I can see pretty boys in simple things any day I desire. But, this woman? Oh, you rarely get a chance to meet someone as beautiful as her, so I dashed to her side, had cocktails with her. We critiquing with playing cards the different men splashing in the pool in their speedos, as though we were Olympic judges….
I had the best time with her.
That was the only day that I was blessed with her acquaintance, but in that brief few hours she said (while sipping a cocktail) one of those phrases that seems to creep up when I’m being a little too stupid and far too selfish.
“I miss the old days….when I man came at the world wanting to leave something behind….rather than take something from it…”
When you say it out loud, your whole life kinda falls like a thud with the gravity of arrogance….and the apex of my frustration is not understanding that you I am desperate to control everything.
My husband and I are at odds. We’re fighting a lot. I’m….angry. I’m detached, and frustrated and trying to figure out why. And he? He is tired of my behavior being categorized as “eccentric.”
He tells me I talk too much, that I should write what I’m saying rather than tell him….He has no interest in hearing about my world.
I started this blog by saying that I was working on the last book in the “Madam and Mr. Brown” series…..
In the last chapter I wrote that the madam is no longer tolerating Mr. Brown’s behavior….and as they find themselves being evicted, she needs to decide whether or not they’ll stay together or live apart….And I’m not sure she’ll stay with him.
With all of Mr. Brown’s intolerable demands just to cope with his own madness, I’m not sure she, nor anyone, could handle it. Maybe they are better parting ways.
Because the apex of Mr. Brown’s frustration is that no one, not even the Madam, is really listening to him.
The third book in the series will be out shortly, and you can read the first two books on amazon by clicking here. Read “TENANTS” first, then “DUPLEX.” Fans will disagree, but there was a definite reason I wrote them in that order.
You’ll get caught up, then help me decide if the Madam will stay with Mr. Brown. This woman has never been loved, nor accepted, in her life. And the one person that finally filled that hopeless void she had was…..well, crazy. Will she stay with him or not?
Phillip is in his chair escaping into his phone. I’m in my chair escaping into my work.
We’re about 10 feet from each other, but worlds apart….
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