White, Middle Aged, Southern and Hated

This must be the first time in this decade long blog that I have been terrified to say anything. And oh, what a hellish place that is to be for any writer, for any artist for that matter, to be afraid to express yourself in your own cozy artistic choice, in the place where you’re able to find your own freedom. When cautious of your craft, you find yourself locked in a cell of censorship and fear. You grow hesitant to pick up your creative tools, you feel locked into silence….

There is this half baked notion running around right now that says in order for one person to express themselves everyone else must shut up and listen. No one else may speak, then you must agree with them. And if you don’t….you’re going to pay heavily.

And I was first going to write that I simply can’t afford that price. I’m a broke nobody. It’s easy to have an opinion now….when you have money, the media, and a mass of social media bobble heads at your disposal. I don’t have those luxuries. As a matter of fact, my face in the arena does me more harm than good. Or, rather, whatever words of peace I have ever written are glossed over when you take a look at my matte face.

I already look like the enemy. I reek of Southern tradition. I smell of it.

I am an apparition that haunts those still clinging to stereotypes. I look of moonshine and confederacy. I appear like a ready attendee with ticket in hand to a big, muddy truck event. I stink of men who say “ma’am,” and cause a wretch with my offering to hold a door open for a lady. (“I’m a feminist! I don’t need a man’s help!”)

I make knitters vomit when I tell them I love my president, and cause crocheters to keel over when I proclaim a love for my country.

I look like I should smell: covered in a haze of mud and musk, perfumed in the aroma of working the land and of the sweat of labor. I look uneducated….therefore, forced to live filthy and rural.

I look like the man everyone is hunting to make an example of right now. I look like the middle aged, southern white man we’ve been shown pictures of and told, “This is the face of the man you are supposed to hate…..”

So, you can see why an artist like myself would be so hesitant to say something, anything. One false move, one poorly written blog post, one dig into your past for the something that was socially acceptable at the time, but is disgraceful now, and you’re done for.

I have never made decisions that would further my career if it meant I had to sacrifice the talents I have to even MAKE that living. I don’t sacrifice these words for commerce. God knows I struggle daily just to keep a roof over my head and my life would be helluva much financially better spent just “complying.”

But, I somehow chose this road as an artist, instead.

I cannot imagine ANY artist siding with a group of people that wish to SILENCE ANYONE. How on earth can you claim to be even noble in your creative endeavors? How could you ever even empathize, nor even understand art if you keep dismissing it, banning it, and even removing it from view???

You’re only interested in art if it’s a party approved, propaganda poster. So, I refuse to comply with this absurd notion that what you really want is equality…

You’re all tyrants masquerading as liberators. You want superiority. You don’t want a level playing field, you want complete domination of the entire course of human history. You want to erase reality and scribble in fallacies. You want to decide who should economically live or die. You want to determine who society will accept and whom they won’t, and all under a warm, cuddle of a mob mentality that has already predetermined who will survive based on ancestry, race, geographic traditions, and social media presence.

That goes against all human rights: the pervasive crackdown on anyone who says ANYTHING the mob disagrees with.

My face is like a mugshot for some. The now determined middle aged, white man. Nabbed, convicted, most wanted. My face tells the story of a million men that have committed atrocities, but, none of whom are me. Doesn’t matter. I fit, deservedly, the profile of everything wrong with someone else’s life.

In some strange (and even acceptable) fashion, society has forced me to question sins I did not commit, from people I never sinned upon.

So, I guess I do have something to say. I’m going to be more honest in my work, more honest than is “socially” allowed. I’m going to be louder about your censorship and vile definition of equality.

And I urge every single artist to do the same.

If you appreciate my work and would like for this blog to continue, please donate to help keep it going. Every single dollar helps and I couldn’t do it without your support.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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19 comments

  1. Not all knitters vomit when you say you love our President. Only the libs and they are clueless. Those of us who voted for him and still stand behind him CHEER “YES!!! Dittos when you say you love our country make us crocheters happy. Keep on keeping on.

  2. I am right there with you. I am Caucasian born and raised in Iowa. My ed in Nebraska for many years. Do I have anything to apologize for? No I do not. I am polite and respectful to everyone and I expect the same from everyone. I have worked hard and you people should do the same. I have law enforcement in my family and circle of friends. They have nothing to be ashamed of. I am a Republican.

    1. Good for you ..I am originally from Lincoln Nebraska and my mother was from the Sandhills .. I grew up learning you like everyone for who they are as a person and not put people in “groups” ( as judging them because of their culture etc)

      Kay
      I have never seen so much anger in my life and I am 60 years old it very very sad

    1. I sense your fear, confusion and anger…and share it. I seem to wake each day wondering, “Can it get worse?” and then learn that it did. The danger of Covid-19 is nothing compared to this crazed obliteration of anyone deemed — by mob rule — a target for something they did, said, or wrote.

  3. This censorship and weak political “leaders” is sickening. It makes the R business seem like child’s play. And, maybe it was.

  4. If you look at history, every 100 years or so, the earth shifts. It’s not fun to live during these times, and we all feel it now. Please write what you need to write. The fascists are rushing forward too fast. They want the 1792 terror, they are already eating their own. It won’t die down anytime soon. Stay strong, you aren’t alone. Oh, btw, I had to empty out 50% of my Instagram. Sheep with black squares don’t interest me.

  5. Honey, I still love that cute face of creativity. And sadly you are correct. There’s nothing like trying to walk on eggshells and trying to be creative at the same time. 😦

  6. I am deeply offended. I am a progressive. And poor. And I crochet and I love my country. I am dismayed that you still support the WH. Yes, I was college educated, but where has it gotten me in this greedy, I-want-all-world. I just want everyone to live together on the same level as each other. To respect each other and care for one another. STOP POLITICIZING EVERYTHING. You are a GOOD person and I hope I am a good person. That is all that should matter. Now, go back to knitting and destress.

  7. Oh, honey! Keep on being you and speaking your truth. Your voice is vital and valid. Each one of us contribute to the whole and make it beautiful. I could tell you I’m white/Hispanic, female, cis, 53, Christian, Californian, college educated, and can’t stand the President. One might assume alot from that. You wouldn’t know me or my core beliefs – love, community ( that I fight my introversion and depression to foster), open mindedness, compassion, family, loyalty – unless you took the time to see past that or through that. Keep on singing, you are a star already. Love you brother.

  8. There are so many afraid to say anything, myself included. I was called a racist recently because I disagreed with someone’s opinion. I told the person I could respectfully agree to disagree with their political views. Someone that chimed in that didn’t even live in this country. And the person that called me a racist didn’t live in this country either. The absurdity of someone that doesn’t know me and has never met me before calling me a racist is appalling. I was raised by a man that believed that racism was a sin. We were never to judge someone by the color of their skin, we all bleed and put on our pants the same way. The current situation is not about race, it’s about political power. No political group should have that much power.

    You be you dude and we’ll be here with you. Love you…

  9. I support you and your path. The selective application of First Amendment rights is what is sickening. We are in a sorry state when any language that disagrees with the “woke’ crew is suppressed and called politicizing…and aimed at dehumanizing the speaker or writer. “CANCEL”–Did we ever imagine that his word would be used against a human being?
    It seems that every commercial and social website that has sent me an email in the past week posts the same guilt-ridden statement and directive to people to climb aboard or else—–that’s not politicizing? Yes, we all strive to be better and kinder people every day but if we aren’t able to speak, how would another ever discover that spirit? Each of us owns the right to express ourselves and move freely in society with whatever face we carry, without shame or intimidation.

  10. Oh you are loved by us, I may not agree with every sentiment but since when do we have to agree with everyone, I also have a very clear background, my accent is sadly very middle class and very very British. I sound like an announcer from the 1950s off the BBC but I live in a very beautiful and rural Scottish part of the world. I occasionally find folk dismissing me due to my voice, or belittling me due to my background, but the only losers are them. The folk who judge you due to the past are hurting themselves not you, they don’t know you, they don’t care, and to you, they really don’t matter my love. I am so against this changing of history, pulling down statues! this demonising of any folk is wrong. Be proud of your past, your marm’s and you can open a door for me any day, I can open my own door but would never put down someone for being kind, civil or just plain old fashioned. I have a customer who is in his 80’s who is very sweet and very very much a man of his age, I have had to ask him to not use certain language with the female staff as the young folk don’t realise it is just how he was brought up. We are all a product of our past you can’t hide it and others shouldn’t judge you on yours. We love you here and stand proud.

  11. I am an elderly, white, Canadian woman, but the majority of my family are Floridians. My Canadian family are all people of color. I too am afraid to speak up about what I am really thinking or feeling. I am afraid that one side or the other will not approve. I can’t even tell my own significant other how I really feel about all that is going on. What a strange and dangerous time we are living in.

  12. It’s a sad day when ANYONE in this beautiful Country has to feel scared to speak their opinions or express their thoughts! I can tell you this much, the people that are causing all of this turmoil and playing on the race card, are not doing it because they are feeling oppressed or discriminated upon! They are rallying because they want everything without earning it! They want the Government to step in and give them more handouts because they are “THINKING” that they are entitled to them! I say cut them off and if it’s a fight they want, let’s give them a fight they won’t forget! People like me, the normal everyday tax paying, law abiding, US Citizen are getting FED THE F%$#^ UP! If you want to destroy our property, destroy historical monuments, loot our businesses and think you’re entitled to do so without any repercussions. THINK AGAIN! There are some things that need to be changed in this world, yes, black people have had certain things done to them that are / were wrong! That BASTARD COP & THE OTHER PUNK COPS that stood by and watch him MURDER MR. Floyd, NEED TO FRY! GIVE ME THE MATCH TO LIGHT THE FIRE!! I’LL GLADLY LIGHT IT! But all the unnecessary looting, destruction of property and incivility things that are going on, take away from Mr. Floyd’s death and message that the peaceful Protesters are doing and killing the message that they are trying to convey! I stand with the ones that want to get justice for Mr. Floyd! I am a 40 something year old white male with many of years in law enforcement. I wish I would have been on that scene, because Mr. Floyd wouldn’t have been the one pronounced DOA! That arrogant POS that knelt on his neck for 9 minutes with his hands in his pocket would have been sporting a toe tag! He is a MONSTER THAT DESERVES TO DIE Immediately!
    Back to my point, if the ANTIFA type’s want a fight, draw a line in the sand! The terms of this fight are as follows; when you lose, if your still breathing, you don’t cry and think you’re entitled to be paid because you got your butts kicked in a fair fight! You punks don’t know how to fight unless you’re sucker punching someone or you have fifteen people jumping on one person! Let’s see how it turns out for you worthless punks! When ask why you’re doing the things y’all are doing, your dumb ass’s don’t even have a clue! You’re just joining in on the mass destruction of property, violent assaults and blatant disregard of the law! The people protesting, that do have legitimate wrongs that have been done to them and are still being done to them, their cause doesn’t get the attention that it deserves because everyone is focused on you punks! Go get jobs and become someone respectable, don’t wait for a handout, earn it, because you dam sure are not destroying what I have worked all these years for with your stupidity! I am in no way trying to stoop to your level, I am just FED TH F$#*# UP!
    “A MOUTH WILL SAY ANYTHING!” Bring your punk ass on if you want to see what WILL BE DONE if we cross paths and you pull your chicken crap antics around me!
    Peaceful Protesters, I stand with you and will fight till my death for your cause!
    GOD BLESS!

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