Phillip came home a few minutes ago, visibly upset. He had left for work, but had only been gone half an hour. I asked, “So slow they sent you home?”
With a slam he tossed his bag in the corner and began to weep. “I just blew up on my boss. I walk in and there are seven employees there, none of them working, all on their phones, all wanting to leave early. My boss was going to let them. So, I freaked out and said, ‘I’m TIRED! You’ve got me working six days a week, three of those days are doubles, because they bitch and you let them go. Meanwhile I have to work a 12 hour shift because they’re too lazy to work, knowing they’ll make more money on unemployment. I’m TIRED!!!!” And he just began to bawl right in front of me, my big husband crumbling under the pressure of the times. I held him for a while, stoically staring at the kitchen window….
In many ways I was emotionless. Now, that isn’t to say I didn’t feel the same frustrations as my husband, I just didn’t have the energy to show very much of it. No one does, really.
I went to sit under the ligustrum, sitting near the Blessed Mother, waiting for my mind to focus on nothing. And it was too damned hard to do. I think it fair to say the exasperation that many have felt over the last six months has been just a breath more than a whisper, but instead of growing into a solid roar, the irritation we’re all feeling is starting to show its nastiness in violent outbursts.
The depression and uncertainty that clings to all of us doesn’t invigorate, it stifles and exhausts. And these glamorized commercials that show us healthy, beautiful people urging others to “stay home,” while giving us hand signals in the shapes of hearts do no good. Like any other polished commercial, it promotes an attempt at a way of life, it doesn’t show what life is, but how you want it to be….if you buy our product or believe our message.
I can’t do that. I can’t believe in that commercial, if anything because that isn’t what has happened to people over the last six months. This is much more than personal depression. Most of the globe has a relative sense of dire.
It’s easy when you see a friend who isn’t behaving as they once did, who doesn’t shave as often, who doesn’t bathe as often, who doesn’t smile as often, who doesn’t reach out as often….You can see a noticeable shift in their behavior and in their moods. But, that uncanny ability to notice something different in someone is very difficult when the rest of the planet has begun to look, sound, smell, and behave just as dangerously as everyone else. These grotesque signs of depression are now considered nearly normal.
We are so concerned about a virus that doesn’t seem to have any truth to it anymore, and that isn’t to say that everything we’re being told is a lie. No, on the contrary it has no truth because the information we are constantly being fed is always contradictory. And the only sad, real truth is that more people are going to die from this new life than would have died from the corona virus. That is a certainty.
Stay home…..unless you’re protesting, then of course, that’s completely acceptable. That contradiction alone dispels any hope we may have for any viable truth from the media. They urge you to take to the streets to announce your condemnation of any injustice you can think of, encouraging you to do so with all rage against the system you can muster. But, I warn you! Beware anyone who encourages your anger….
Alcoholism, domestic abuse, and even basic rage or all more symptoms of the covid-19 than sneezing and coughing. Suicide over financial affairs, accidental overdoses in an attempt to just feel a little better, are going to be higher on the death chart than the number of people that died from the actual virus.
And the one thing that can annoy you to no end is that the very people that have demanded, ordered, mandated that we stay in this flux are still getting paid, are still able to congregate with each other, and are able to put the whole issue on hold while the rest of us wither….Yes, I’ve tried to do some digging, and if that many members of congress can all be in the same room at the same time for any number of ridiculous hearings, then we can go to church.
And those same “powers that be” are able to leave the problem behind for the weekend and are able to enjoy themselves without the repercussions of their own demands, while the rest of us are pitifully still trying to remember what day it even is. Are you sure it’s Saturday? It feels like a Tuesday to me….
A few days ago I realized that my weight had dropped to a 105 pounds, a direct result of stress and self distraction. I didn’t want to think about the state of the world. I wanted to lose myself knitting my teddy bears while resting under a tree at Honeychurch while the bees dashed around doing their best to make my flowers pretty.
I shared a photo of my torso, gaunt and starving. Had I not seen it right then….who knows what would have happened. Would I even be able to survive being 100 pounds? At 6 foot?
This is just another example of what this lifestyle that has been mandated for the last six months (and potentially longer) has done to many people. And more people need to start saying more about the reality of what is actually happening to them.
God knows we hear a ton of stories every day about a business that collapses because of these shut downs and riots. Dozens of dreams are squashed daily, all delivered instantly via the evening news. They’re adamant about letting you know that a business died….but, they never discuss what happened to the people that owned it, or the people that worked there. What happened to them? At home? Just fine? Making hand signals that look like hearts while waving at grandma through a window?
Or is it the more possible reality: they are destroyed for life, will probably never recover, may be destitute soon? They’re not willing to report a more somber story. It isn’t just the business that dies….it’s everyone who owned, operated, or enjoyed that business that finds a heartbreaking demise as they hang a sign that reads, “Closed For Good.”
Again, I mentioned that there is no real truth to the virus these days, because everything mentioned is so contradictory, depending on what political party says it, or what news source says it, or what is allowed to be said on social media. If all of these monstrous people that play power games over us continue to shine us with delightful fallacies, then we must combat them with truth, honesty, and reality.
We must share the real stories of what is happening in America right now. We need to share more stories about the people still living and coping with the repercussions of this virus as they still remain uninfected.
But, though uninfected, they are potentially the most affected people because they’re unapparent to those who are only focused on the number of the dead. Only the number of infected cases, or deaths of Corona virus are reported….while those who died of it’s effects seems to be of no importance.
And it’s time we were heard. Share your story.
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