It’s Time The Slowly Dying of Corona Were Heard

Phillip came home a few minutes ago, visibly upset. He had left for work, but had only been gone half an hour. I asked, “So slow they sent you home?”

With a slam he tossed his bag in the corner and began to weep. “I just blew up on my boss. I walk in and there are seven employees there, none of them working, all on their phones, all wanting to leave early. My boss was going to let them. So, I freaked out and said, ‘I’m TIRED! You’ve got me working six days a week, three of those days are doubles, because they bitch and you let them go. Meanwhile I have to work a 12 hour shift because they’re too lazy to work, knowing they’ll make more money on unemployment. I’m TIRED!!!!” And he just began to bawl right in front of me, my big husband crumbling under the pressure of the times. I held him for a while, stoically staring at the kitchen window….

In many ways I was emotionless. Now, that isn’t to say I didn’t feel the same frustrations as my husband, I just didn’t have the energy to show very much of it. No one does, really.

I went to sit under the ligustrum, sitting near the Blessed Mother, waiting for my mind to focus on nothing. And it was too damned hard to do. I think it fair to say the exasperation that many have felt over the last six months has been just a breath more than a whisper, but instead of growing into a solid roar, the irritation we’re all feeling is starting to show its nastiness in violent outbursts.

The depression and uncertainty that clings to all of us doesn’t invigorate, it stifles and exhausts. And these glamorized commercials that show us healthy, beautiful people urging others to “stay home,” while giving us hand signals in the shapes of hearts do no good. Like any other polished commercial, it promotes an attempt at a way of life, it doesn’t show what life is, but how you want it to be….if you buy our product or believe our message.

I can’t do that. I can’t believe in that commercial, if anything because that isn’t what has happened to people over the last six months. This is much more than personal depression. Most of the globe has a relative sense of dire.

It’s easy when you see a friend who isn’t behaving as they once did, who doesn’t shave as often, who doesn’t bathe as often, who doesn’t smile as often, who doesn’t reach out as often….You can see a noticeable shift in their behavior and in their moods. But, that uncanny ability to notice something different in someone is very difficult when the rest of the planet has begun to look, sound, smell, and behave just as dangerously as everyone else. These grotesque signs of depression are now considered nearly normal.

We are so concerned about a virus that doesn’t seem to have any truth to it anymore, and that isn’t to say that everything we’re being told is a lie. No, on the contrary it has no truth because the information we are constantly being fed is always contradictory. And the only sad, real truth is that more people are going to die from this new life than would have died from the corona virus. That is a certainty.

Stay home…..unless you’re protesting, then of course, that’s completely acceptable. That contradiction alone dispels any hope we may have for any viable truth from the media. They urge you to take to the streets to announce your condemnation of any injustice you can think of, encouraging you to do so with all rage against the system you can muster. But, I warn you! Beware anyone who encourages your anger….

Alcoholism, domestic abuse, and even basic rage or all more symptoms of the covid-19 than sneezing and coughing. Suicide over financial affairs, accidental overdoses in an attempt to just feel a little better, are going to be higher on the death chart than the number of people that died from the actual virus.

And the one thing that can annoy you to no end is that the very people that have demanded, ordered, mandated that we stay in this flux are still getting paid, are still able to congregate with each other, and are able to put the whole issue on hold while the rest of us wither….Yes, I’ve tried to do some digging, and if that many members of congress can all be in the same room at the same time for any number of ridiculous hearings, then we can go to church.

And those same “powers that be” are able to leave the problem behind for the weekend and are able to enjoy themselves without the repercussions of their own demands, while the rest of us are pitifully still trying to remember what day it even is. Are you sure it’s Saturday? It feels like a Tuesday to me….

A few days ago I realized that my weight had dropped to a 105 pounds, a direct result of stress and self distraction. I didn’t want to think about the state of the world. I wanted to lose myself knitting my teddy bears while resting under a tree at Honeychurch while the bees dashed around doing their best to make my flowers pretty.

I shared a photo of my torso, gaunt and starving. Had I not seen it right then….who knows what would have happened. Would I even be able to survive being 100 pounds? At 6 foot?

This is just another example of what this lifestyle that has been mandated for the last six months (and potentially longer) has done to many people. And more people need to start saying more about the reality of what is actually happening to them.

God knows we hear a ton of stories every day about a business that collapses because of these shut downs and riots. Dozens of dreams are squashed daily, all delivered instantly via the evening news. They’re adamant about letting you know that a business died….but, they never discuss what happened to the people that owned it, or the people that worked there. What happened to them? At home? Just fine? Making hand signals that look like hearts while waving at grandma through a window?

Or is it the more possible reality: they are destroyed for life, will probably never recover, may be destitute soon? They’re not willing to report a more somber story. It isn’t just the business that dies….it’s everyone who owned, operated, or enjoyed that business that finds a heartbreaking demise as they hang a sign that reads, “Closed For Good.”

Again, I mentioned that there is no real truth to the virus these days, because everything mentioned is so contradictory, depending on what political party says it, or what news source says it, or what is allowed to be said on social media. If all of these monstrous people that play power games over us continue to shine us with delightful fallacies, then we must combat them with truth, honesty, and reality.

We must share the real stories of what is happening in America right now. We need to share more stories about the people still living and coping with the repercussions of this virus as they still remain uninfected.

But, though uninfected, they are potentially the most affected people because they’re unapparent to those who are only focused on the number of the dead. Only the number of infected cases, or deaths of Corona virus are reported….while those who died of it’s effects seems to be of no importance.

And it’s time we were heard. Share your story.

If you appreciate my work and would like for this blog to continue, please donate to help keep it going. I wouldn’t have the courage to do it without your support. And right now? I can safely say that EVERY dollar counts. Thank you. 

 

 

 

18 comments

  1. I’m so sorry and hugs to you both. I have nothing to complain about other then having to wear a mask and not being able to see people I care about (so I started carefully seeing them, but I worry about people reporting us.) So I send to you & Phillip love and joy and a really bad joke….
    Boy did I get in a lot of trouble today for calling some people hipsters…..turns out the correct term is “conjoined twin.”

  2. Yep, I hear you about the fabric of our society unraveling from fearmongering and stress. I was just sitting here trying to psych myself up to go to the grocery store because lately I have a lot of anxiety about strangers shaming me or provoking me about not wearing a mask so they can film it and put it on social media for ‘entertainment ‘. Its so bizarre to have that fear when your just joe average but it seems its hunting season on us ‘regular ‘ folks. Anyhow, you guys hang in there!!!

    1. Good for you. It’s scary out there. I wear one to shop but I hate shopping. I take my mom and she wears hers below her nose because she can’t breathe comfortably otherwise. Yes. People have attempted to pick on her for it. She just tells them she’s a heart patient or says she has asthma (she doesn’t). But, she’s a tiny little silver haired 88 yr old with a mask barely below her nostrils. If you’re afraid of her, walk away. 🤦‍♀️

      1. It is not “fearmongering” to be afraid of a very real threat. Stop it. Snap out of it. This virus is not like anything else we’ve ever seen. As a nurse, I can only tell you to be afraid, very afraid.

        I can appreciate how much of a bummer this is.
        I’ve lived through the AIDS epidemic in NY, and now this.

        I would go out of my way to AVOID your sweet little old lady mother if she were near me in a store, but would put on my mask, and risk my life to take care of her if she were my patient.

        NOBODY has ever said that protests (without masks) were ok. These folks are taking risks, and risking others by not maintaining social distance. Haven’t we seen the numbers go up after large gatherings?

  3. My Dear Gregory,
    I wish I could share my story as eloquently as you share yours.

    Mine is 5-11 calls a day from my 88 yr old mom whom I visit about 3-5 times a week and is now without her once limited social life because of the “virus.” When it gets past 5 calls, I just go over there.

    It wreaks havoc on my marriage. But, my steadfast soldier-on hell-or-high-water husband does his own thing, but feels lonely. He’s retired and takes his frustration by butchering my gardens. They’ll grow back. His heart won’t. Neither will the 22 year old mimosa tree he chopped down today. He’s pretty upset. We got him Alabama football tickets for his 70th birthday. It’s not happening. Either on Texas and it’s his alma mater and it’s a big deal. So far, we can’t even get the guaranteed refund in case if the “virus”. Happy Birthday.

    He feels ignored half the time. I have to run to my car so he doesn’t see my eyes well up when he stands at the door asking when I’ll be back. After 41 years of marriage and 17 years both working from home, if he still misses me—-well, you get the idea.

    Our youngest daughter has stage 4 congestive heart failure. She’s 35. We both talk to her every day. She’s had the “virus” and recovered. She’s flown out to visit. Anybody got something to say can holler down their own drain pipe for all we care. She has two kids and a RN husband. We are even stronger through this, but those outside this tiny group in the life boat on the dark sea—-I wish they would float away and r just shut up.

    We are even planning a trip to Austria in a October. Don’t know if we can go, but it’s the planning that’s fun for her. At this point, I will be insane soon enough, so I’m up for anything. Hell, if she asked me to learn the words to WAP and sing it. I’d probably do it. My phone is always on. I don’t really sleep. I nap.

    Other family has lost businesses, marriages are frayed, kids are running rampant without school, some are drinking themselves into oblivion. I just listen. I don’t offer advice. I keep it in my heart. I try to find something to send. That’s loving and what I now call a creature comfort. We need these now more than ever. I’m a mother and I make things out of love. That’s all I really know how to do.

    One of our 9 grandson’s who turned 10 and was so excited to go back to class only to be crushed with the “go this week, now don’t” scheduling. He calls grampa for math lessons because he doesn’t have a “real” teacher anymore. He is a light in gramma’s life when I just can’t be. Oh how I love that little egg.

    I’ve had the “virus”. Even got an antibody test I’m now told was meaningless and that I was stupid to get it. Oh, by the way, the vaccine everyone is excited about will give you about 2-3 months immunity. About the same as my bout of the “virus” gave me.

    We know lots of people afraid of the “virus” but they have the other one. You know it well. You just described it. The virtue-signaling, puritanical, fear-mongering, afraid of living and scared of dying virus.

    The new virus I have now is a slow burning, quiet one. It’s actually rather pleasant. I hope it catches on. It’s called love. You pass it along with a loving smile, a pat on a tired hand, and knowing nod.

    Sometimes, you just rub a sagging shoulder and lean in and whisper, “I know how you feel.”

    1. “We are even stronger through this, but those outside this tiny group in the life boat on the dark sea—-I wish they would float away and or just shut up.”

      Yes. And no…at least that first bit: “We are even stronger through this…” I’m not there; I don’t feel stronger. My boat is riding low in the water, and the waves are lapping over the top, making me increasingly uneasy.

      I rage inside my head at them…those people outside this family’s lifeboat…while trying to remind myself they’re (surely?) on this dark sea, too. I am just too weary of their finger-wagging, supercilious, “I know all about this contagion issue, and you need to follow the rules.” The rules..the ever-changing, contradictory rules that apply to some, but not to all. As if I don’t have any idea about, or care about, infection. Me? Seriously? Good God, if you only knew.

      Many, many years ago, I cut a small bit out of newspaper where I used to live. It posted bits of wisdom in the top corner of the front page (that’s where I remember it, anyway…it was a ~long~ time ago!). That small bit of newsprint is still at the front of my DayRunner:

      If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. — Longfellow

      I try to remember that. Sometimes it is more difficult than others.

      Truly appreciated your heartfelt piece. And Gregory’s, too. I wish peace for all of you.

    2. Thank you so much for sharing this. I refuse to let this keep me from going about my business and God help someone one who gets in my face about masks. I am an even keeled person, but when I see utter madness around me it makes me crazy. I am logical and nothing I see or have seen since February is logical. Thanks for your kindness to others. Remember yourself when you give love to others. Love yourself too. Hugs to you.

  4. I so understand Phillip’s outburst, and you are right. I work in a call center in the medical profession, so I’m a captive audience to every nasty, evil demon who wants to share their misery by spreading it around via full blown rants, or the ones that are so afraid they can’t go pick up life saving meds at the pharmacy half a block away. And if those aren’t enough to suck the joy out of my life every day, what do you say to the ones that are calling only to find out their insurance was running out when they’ve been laid off or better yet, the one today that is trying to get her son’s medication, but didn’t make her insurance payment to keep the health insurance going, because she’s still trying to cope with losing her husband last month? Exhaustion, mentally, physically, emotionally, depression clear to the bone, and meanwhile my boss says I need to show more empathy towards the customers. I’m suppose to put myself in their shoes, when my own shoes are overflowing, worrying about my elderly parents who live in another state. I live alone and have no family in the state I reside in. I am deemed essential, and it truly is like trying to deal with a tsunami with a teaspoon. Meanwhile, I wear a mask to and from work and every where at work, except when I’m at my desk. My temperature is checked every day when I go to work. This has been non-stop since the beginning. And yet still, with every new person on the phone, whether they have suffered loss, are terrified, frustrated, or defiant and angry, I’ll still try to give them kind and encouraging words, do everything within my power to make miracles happen, or at least give them options, and do my very best to make their lives better in at least some small measure for a few moments at least, whether they appreciate it or not. At the end of the night, when I drag my drained, exhaust body home to an empty apartment, I’m too drained to even let the cleansing tears fall. Meanwhile I postpone a medical procedure I was supposed to have in February, as I would rather see the hospital bed going to someone who utterly needs it more.

    Tomorrow? I’ll throw on a mask and go to work again, praying I can find just a little more empathy and patience, to continue to trudge thru the trenches another day, because no matter how bad things get, I will keep going, keep doing. Why? Because I refuse to give up , if I can help even one person, then that’s one more person who will live another day, one more person who has been shown that kindness still exists in the midst of all this craziness.

    Long distance Hugs to both of you,
    ~Z~

    1. I love this. Thank you. Sometimes when I get just too much inside me to stand it any longer, I try to love it to death by doing exactly what your quotation recommends. Surprise! It works.

  5. I am very sorry that you live in a country that didn’t take quick and definitive action regarding Covid. I am sorry that you live in a country where people don’t respect each other enough to wear masks to protect one another. I am sorry that you live in a country where science is believed less than what is spouted by oligarchs.

    1. I love my country, and I love living here. I take issue with your comments about actions, masks and the believability of science. We (AND the world, not just this country) were, and continue to be, inundated by the “expert” Talking Heads — the media, politicians, world health organizations (yes, the WHO), AND other well-educated scientists — and the contradictions are endless. There are those of us who will carry on, making what we consider reasonable decisions about our lives and how we live them. We love our families and friends, and do not want wilfully to bring them harm. We don’t lay waste to our neighborhoods, or anyone else’s, or loot, or set fires; we are decent human beings who are trying our best to be reasonable and caring people. There have ALWAYS been people, in every country, and from the beginning of time, who don’t respect the other human beings with whom they are expected to live peaceably. I am sorry about that — if you have all the solutions for creating a utopia…

      1. I am so sorry that you can’t imagine living in a country without fear and division, where neighbourhoods are looted and set ablaze because you’ve left the fox guarding the henhouse.

      2. P.S. Your other comment about the president was sent to the trash. I don’t think any further comments from you will fare any better. Just saving you some time typing….

    2. Jules, are you serious? We took quick and decisive action by closing the borders to foreigners. Then Trump snapped into action with a Coronavirus Task Force while Nancy Pelosi was dancing in the street and telling us to go party and we were racists if we didn’t. The virus was a novel virus. They had to find out what it was before they could treat it. So while people were DYING in Spain and Italy, we were over here in labs figuring out what it was and coming up with a test for it. You’re listening to the MSM who has an agenda to get rid of Trump. He listened to the best scientists in the world, do not tell us we don’t believe in science. We do and we have saved most the world, so if you don’t like us don’t buy our products or leave your nasty comments to us.

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