Some Guy Named Greg

I asked Phillip to help me take some photos of my shawl and bear set this morning. As I was going through the photo roll, I couldn’t help but see this candid photo he took of me while I was getting ready. And I was horrified….

I saw this frail, tired, hardened and sad little man trying to hold himself up. I saw this man with a broken spirit and battered soul plastered all over his face. I saw this man with eyes that were once big and wide with wonder, now sagging with a sadness. His posture looked haggard, his clothes hung from his frame with this tender heaviness.

I looked at Phillip and stammered, “I look awful….”

He didn’t try to appease my ego, he didn’t try to lie. He just looked at the ground. Yes, there is a reason I don’t look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I already know, I just….don’t want to see it.

For the last month or so I’ve discussed with intimacy my weight loss and my struggle with a strange depression that has taken grip of me. And I am desperate for a retreat. I truly want to take care of my health for the moment, and unplug from Mad Man Knitting so that I can tend to Gregory. There is no way any of this is going to get better if I don’t step away for a moment. I don’t see myself getting any better going down this road. And I’ll be perfectly honest. I am scared to death right now.

Rent is practically paid, just a few dollars off, we’ll have groceries for a good solid block of the month, so selling two of these shawls would really help me have all the bills covered so that I can take a moment to heal myself. I look sick. I really do. I don’t feel sick, I just feel…..heart broken and sad…and I don’t know why!

But, I really need to take care of this whole situation, not publicly, not pressured to constantly knit or blog. I need to wake up with no other intention other than to eat, go to counseling, and heal. I need to be humble for a while, admit to something that is slowly destroying me, and take care of it. And rather than do all of that right here on this blog, with too much worry about how this might affect the number of followers I have, I need to be just some guy named Greg.

The shawls are in my shop.

I love you. All of you. I’ll let you know what happens….

If you appreciate my work and would like for this blog to continue, please donate to help keep it going. I wouldn’t have the courage to do it without your support. 

 

 

 

9 comments

  1. Yes, please do whatever is needed to get your health back. We all care a lot for you and want you to be well and happy in your life and we worry about you when you’re not. We will miss you for the time being but want you to gain back your mental and physical strength. We will carry you in our thoughts and hearts and look forward to hearing that you have a renewed spirit.

  2. Bear hugs Greg. Take as much time as you possibly can to rest, recover, eat, heal – emotionally and physically. We’ll miss your blogging, but your health is more important than anything. Thoughts & prayers go with you.

  3. Greg,
    Just take care of yourself.
    That’s what is important.
    We’ll all be here, silently supporting whatever you decide to do.
    elaine

  4. Dearest Gregory , I look forward to your return when you are able. May I recommend the book which helped me climb out of my old destructive cycle.
    “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay .
    Also another “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers.
    You may be lucky to find them in a local library or second hand book shop.
    Hugs until you return .

  5. Sending warm thoughts and internet hugs to you! I second the Louise Hay books! I am a firm believer in the Power of Positive thinking and Abraham Hicks (tons of videos on youtube), it has helped tremendously with my depression and anxiety. You are not alone, you are loved and you are cared for!!!!! Wrap yourself in healing and get better!!!

  6. For what it’s worth, I don’t see a sad little man. I see a resilient soul who has taken some hits and is still standing. I look at your photo and see incredible strength of spirit. Do take time to nurture your body and your psyche. Sometimes we gain energy from those we connect with, and sometimes our energy just gets drained. Know that I am sending you positive, healing energy. Blessed be.

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