The Day It Ended

I was sitting outside working on my art. I don’t think I can stress enough how being outside, working like this, with my hands on new things, in new ways of speaking…oh, my. The enjoyment can’t be expressed enough. From the hours of 11 to 7, you’ll find me out on the lawn, under the golden rain tree with a needle and thread…..

My wildflowers have been popping with enthusiasm. (Don’t forget that word, “enthusiasm.”) Truly, every morning I spring out of bed with anxious anticipation to see who is new to the party, who bloomed today, what new color in my wild, mixed palate is showing some striking display. This old Haitian man pulls up with his car in a screeching halt. 

He comes bursting up to my gate, “Sir! Sir! My beautiful lady has been admiring your sunflower for days. I made a promise to her that she could have anything in the world she wanted if she would proclaim her love for me. She asked for a beautiful flower like this…may I have it?”

I didn’t even blink. “Absolutely!” I could see his beautiful lady in the car just brighten with delight when she saw the fellow snatch that sunflower out of the ground. He thanked me with such sincerity, as a little tear came to her eye. Now, that’s love. Proclaim your love and I will give you anything! All I want is a simple flower. Then that is what you shall have!!!!

And I have plenty of them, have enjoyed the sunflower, taken pictures of it, embroidered it, and now it will fade into its sunset in the arms of someone who wanted it so…..Man. What a great feeling shared by all. 

Which really makes the next half of this blog a real shit stirrer…..

Phillip comes bursting out the front door, “Did that man just walk up and steal your flower????”

“No, he asked if he could have it and I said he could.”

He stared at me for a second, went “pfff, idiot,” and walked back inside….

Ok. I guess we’re going to have one of those days. I didn’t want to have any sort of negative confrontation, because my days outside have been just too good to spoil with-

-too late.

I decided I needed to go inside and get something to eat. I’m forcing myself to eat these days. I was at Publix and got on the scale and I haven’t been gaining weight, I’ve been losing weight. I’m at 102 right now. I’m stressed…..very stressed. And if you’ve read this blog long enough you know that when I’m stressed, I don’t eat. 

So, as I go to make myself something to eat,  Phillip and I begin to talk….and it does not go well.

It would be ridiculous to try and rehash the conversation now. To be fair, you’d only be getting my version of the events. You’d only be reading what I heard. In Phillip’s defense, I can tell you that his version is wrapped in a lot of fear. Allow me to say that it was shown that there is a lot of resentment between us. He truly resents that I am creative. “You pick up everything with such ease….” That is never said with boast, nor with pride. It is always said with a sneer. And my resentment towards him was that he would prefer to spend his time huddle in the dark on a couch watching anime, pissed at me for wanting to conquer my fears with enthusiastic joy! Yeah, I resent being treated like crap because I’m not as miserable as you. 

The “event” (as I prefer to call it) that happened doesn’t need to be rehashed either. I will only say that his resentment towards me was no longer just an attitude, but became physical…..

And there are no excuses, no take backs. There is forgiveness when it happens once. There is a pattern developing however, when it happens twice….three times. 

So, Phillip and I are parting ways. I ask that you pray we are both at least kind to each other through the transition. There is so much to consider, so many things to think about….we’ve been together for so long.

After, he asked if I was afraid of him.

I bluntly said, “No. I lived in fear of my father for the first 20 years of my life. I spent all of last summer going through a mental break down just to get over all of that crap, get it out of my system and move on with my life and finally be happy. I’ll be damned if I let myself go through that again. No, I’m not afraid of you, I’m leaving you, or rather, you’re leaving. The lease is up in 2 months, go ahead and consider your options, because I’m staying right here. I busted my ass for 10 years selling books and teddy bears to get to a place where I could just grow pretty flowers and be happy. I finally got it, and I ain’t letting it go for nothing. Honeychurch is mine. So, start considering your next move now, my friend…..Because I ain’t going nowhere. I love you, I truly do. But I will not live with you.”

If you appreciate my blog and would like for it to continue, please donate. Every bit helps and I wouldn’t have the courage to do this without you. Thank you!

 

 

 

26 comments

  1. Good for you! I hope it works out without too much drama. Love your blogs and pictures. Prayers going out for you both!

  2. Praying that the transition is as smooth as possible! You deserve all the happiness in the world! xo

  3. Be kind.
    Life=change
    Be grateful for the love you once shared.
    Be open for your next adventure.

    PS you don’t need me to remind you that stress increases cortisol levels- you can guess that this means you are at risk of creating additional anxiety as a result of high levels of cortisol, and ultimately causing some serious health issues- elevated BP, heart stuff, digestive disorders, and even diabetes.
    So be kind to yourself too. Eat something.

  4. Be strong,authentic and keep being joyful and loving. You’ve got this,my friend. God bless you both in your new lives.

  5. Other couples I know are going through the same thing. Sorry about writing you about Indian love song. You didn’t need any added stress. Don’t worry about it. Take care of yourself my dear friend. Your in my prayers. Any time a relationship becomes physically dangerous its time to end it. Learned this a little too late and a few teeth less. Hugs Tobias, Eloy AZ tobiascorner@yahoo.com

  6. Much Love to you both, life is a journey we travel on and sometimes people travel with us and sometimes they drift away on our journeys, we need to remember the love and joy of the together time and accept journeys move on. No one else can understand what is between two people, Love and be free.

  7. So sorry to read this but proud of you for saying, “No more”. You need to take a stand and protect yourself. Honeychurch will get you through.

  8. I am so sorry to read of your pain and heart break – but at the same time proud that you are not allowing abuse to continue. I am sure the worries are many – but pray for your peace and that your needs will be provided.

  9. Greg I love you and I’m here for you whenever you need me. I’m praying for your well-being and hope this change and transition will go by smoothly 🙏

  10. Prayers and love to both of you. You are on an amazing journey and I hope and pray you can keep moving forward. I don’t know anyone who has not suffered for love. We all understand and support you. Please … eat something and continue creating.

  11. Damn it, I’m so sorry to hear this. I was in an abusive relationship and left it. Years later I found another husband, a loving man, a caring man who supported my creativity. I hold both of you in my prayers and hope you both sustain change in the kindest way possible. Please try to eat – I found tapioca pudding to be helpful in times of stress. It goes down easy past the lump in your throat.

  12. Bravo for you for standing up for yourself and for making choices to protect your well being. Nobody should ever be allowed to put hands on another.
    You are brave, you are courageous and you deserve to be treated with love and respect

  13. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m always telling my husband that happiness and misery are choices. Unfortunately, there are way too many people who don’t realize this, and who believe that it’s the primary responsibility of their spouse or partner to ensure their happiness. It’s an unfair burden to place on the spouse/partner. I’m going through similar expectation management issues with my husband right now. I’ve made it clear to him that I’m not responsible for anticipating and managing the emotional reactions of a middle-aged man for him. I’m fortunate to have come from a very loving family that taught me healthy coping mechanisms. Him not so much. I’m also fortunate to have good friends and a good church family.

    I’m glad that you enforced your boundaries and refused to minimize or tolerate physical abuse. You lifted yourself out of homelessness knitting teddy bears and writing books. You’ve taken responsibility for your own happiness. You’re a badass.

  14. Sometimes seasons of change are hard, aren’t they. BUT we have to go through what we’re supposed to go through in order for our souls to learn what they need to learn before we can move on to something/someone else. Reflect on what you’ve learned and realize where you are now as opposed to where you were. Be kind to yourself, and also be kind to Phillip, whose soul is going through its own journey as well. But definitely move through it and onto the next season. Forgive, but for your sake. There’s something else waiting, and you might not know now what or who it is, but you’ll know when you find it, and you’ll start learning lessons from that, too. Peace to you both.

  15. In Phillip’s defense, you have been unavailable to him for over a year, he has carried you through a long dark tunnel. He has made your dreams his dreams and from what I can tell he doesn’t get much in return. I understand you are a very fragile person, both mentally and physically, and seem to require a lot of attention (no offense, that’s just how some of us are). You have been allowed to check out of day to day things to work on what goes on in your head. And through all of this Phillip has gotten up and dragged himself to a job he doesn’t like because he has someone at home to take care of. I hope you realize how much you owe him.

    Despite what I say, if he raised a hand to you, you should make a choice to make yourself safe. I would not forgive him for this. But I want to acknowledge that it’s always two people who make and break a marriage.

    Good luck and wishing you a healthy and happy future.

      1. My first thought was Knitting over 4000 (Thousand) Teddy Bears and marketing them plus writing and publishing several books and now in addition a whole truckload of embroidered masterpieces, is quite a feat. I have known Gregory since the beginning and followed him every step of the way. If anyone is to be grateful it should be Phillip. Gregory started out homeless and has done the impossible. He was and is and always will be my inspiration. He is my best friend … Gregory Patrick… my Brother, you are in my thoughts and prayers. In the shadow of St. Benedict and St. Francis, Your friend Tobias…Eloy AZ tobiascorner@yahoo.com

      2. I only know what you tell me, and this is what you have told us in you quaint way of writing.

  16. Gregory, I’ve been working a lot and have caught up with your posts. I’m heartbroken for you and Phillip. Both of you are in my prayers. Take care.

  17. Hoping you find peace and continued strength. No form of abuse is justifiable. I am grateful that you have drawn that line and embraced your integrity. May the waves ahead be ripples in short time.

  18. I am so sorry love. And I am proud that you stood up for yourself. Having been in an abusive marriage, I understand. Things will keep going and so will you. You have my prayers friend! HUGS!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.