I haven’t written anything in so long….
That doesn’t mean I haven’t been speaking, or expressing, or venting. Oh, my embroidery is testament to that. I’ve been exploring a joyousness in the idea of change. For 10 years I was a manufacturing plant, a knitting assembly line making the same thing over and over and over and over and……over.
Throughout that time I listened to the same music, watched the same shows, and built a schedule of life that had been purposely structured to be mundane. I became agoraphobic, nervous, neurotic, and paranoid should anything about that set up be messed with, or changed, in any way.
The minute I told Phillip I was leaving him every single thing about me changed, almost instantly. The minute I released him, I freed myself of any emotional debt owed to anyone and it was amazing. And before I proceed I’m going to go ahead and say this is the last you will hear of his name in my posts. What happens between us should stay between us. Anything I need to say about Phillip should be said to Phillip, and not written here for everyone to see. But, you did need to know the shift in our relationship so that you could understand how this rip in our lives has changed the both of us for the better. I will say this and only this about the current state of our relationship: we like each other more, since we’re no longer demanding of each other.
I have given him all rights to “Honeychurch.” He can afford it more than I can. Furthermore, he’d like to turn it into a nursery. I think he’ll do well. He deserves it. So, do give him your best wishes and prayers for his dream of having Honeychurch become a thriving business.
Now we have to talk about the other issue a few of you have been talking about. My knitting, or lack of.
I don’t miss it. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I just knit two custom teddy bears. One for a delightful lady who loves my embroidery, and then the second one. It’s for a friend who needed a really, really special gift for a newborn. This friend has meant so much to me over these years. SO much. I thought this was the perfect bear to end this moniker with. My approach to knitting was wrapped in madness…hence the name. Hours and hours, years and years, knitting the same thing over and over and over and…..over.
Knitting had also become a catalyst for politics and drama and….yarn just looks so nasty to me now. My bamboo knitting needles are better served as plant stakes in the garden. I don’t want to touch them ever again.
This rip with Phillip really did cause a beautiful awakening within me. I know a lot of this sounds harsh, finite. But, believe it or not, I feel amazing. I may not have a penny to my name, no legitimate home to claim as my own, no real plan in mind, and I have no idea what is going to happen to me next….but, I have choices now. I have freedom. And that is worth more than anything you could ever think of. My life looks like a tangled mess from the outside, but I assure you, there is a solemn sense of calm within.
Because my life is moving in beautiful new directions and there are so many things I want to share with you, but this doesn’t seem to be the right place anymore….No sense calling myself something I’m not. I’m no longer frustrated, no longer angry….no longer knitting. I’m recapturing feelings I lost so long ago, back when I was inquisitive, excited, gregarious and sociable.
In the future, you’ll be able to find me at gregorypatrick.wordpress.com. There isn’t anything there yet, but….gimme a minute 🙂 I had to snag it before some other “Gregory Patrick” could claim it (That’s so funny! As IF there were another! HA!) And of course, you can still find me on my facebook and instagram.
For the moment I want to enjoy the way things are happening as they are. I’m in no rush to push and promote a new identity, a new blog, a new brand…..I’m in no rush for any of that nonsense. There is a delicate patience that embroidery has taught me. There is a desire for art that embroidery has taught me. Beyond that, it has exposed to me a constant desire to find color in everything, to seek out beauty in the irrelevant, to slow down, shut up and listen, rather than relish in my own shouting.
I don’t know what will happen next, but I do know that it will be good 🙂 I feel wonderful, I really do. I see some fantastic things happening for me, new places, interesting new faces, and more love than I could have ever thought possible. For those things are already beginning to manifest….
Don’t forget, everything is beautiful….