I woke up this morning with the thrilling intention to go job hunting! I’m loving my embroidery so beautifully, but this is the reality of my new endeavor into this craft: it takes a lot more time to create a piece for sale, for the money I’m asking. I need to charge a LOT more for my work, but these are the nuances of being an artist. Sometimes you have to sell something undervalue just to eat.
My last post was a call for help, because I just can’t keep up with my life at the moment. Financially, I am in serious trouble. So, let’s go get a job! (Why not knit more teddy bears, people asked? I do not feel like going backwards…..)
I want my own freedoms. I want the right to buy something as simple as a Mexican soda whenever I want. (Sounds silly, but I adore those little Jarrito’s….and hate that there are days I don’t have the $1.50 to my name to go buy one). It bothered me yesterday that I had to ask a friend if he could spot me a few dollars just to buy a little soda and a pack of cigarettes (Roll your eyes, be mad, disapprove of my smoking, fine. We can have that conversation some other time). It made me so….embarrassed for myself that I had to do that.
So, up and at ’em I was, getting myself all pretty, settling myself into the experience I was about to undertake, prepping myself mentally to go out there, knock ’em dead, and snag a job.
On my way out the door I stop to grab my phone. It has absolutely no services. Hasn’t had service in more than a year, but I use it as a clock and a camera. Well, then what phone number do I give to be contacted? Phillips, of course. Maybe for now, but….phones have become so intimate, so personal….I don’t want to flood HIS phone with MY stuff. And again, it goes back to being able to have MY things. So, $50 to get the phone working again is not a problem. Easy peasy, can get my own phone number once I sell something, or actually get a job. Next, was the issue of my identification. My ID expired over 10 years ago. When I was homeless, the idea of identification never came up. As a matter of fact, I remember this road block hellishly from back then. I had not knit teddy bears yet, had not developed an online presence, was truly lost. When I went to look for a job back then, I became quickly frustrated for half of the application was left blank. Phone, address, proof of identity all left blank.
But, I did not let that discourage me this morning. It’s $35 to get a new state ID. Again, I can get that handled once I have an income. And then my mind went into too much doubt. What happens if I get an interview? I don’t have anything presentable to wear. Some rough jeans, a thread bare button up shirt, and boots that have thinning soles? And what do I say when asked, “Why haven’t you had a job in 10 years, what have you been doing?” Well, you tell them the truth, you fool!
Again, my mind had to quickly snap itself back into frame. What was I doing? Trying to self sabotage? Was the agoraphobic in me trying to keep me from leaving the house to find a job? Because if I got one, I would be leaving the house more often…..and that’s good for me, even though my agoraphobia despises the idea.
So, I wasn’t able to go job hunting this morning….not exactly. But, I did go for a walk and mentally jotted where I wanted to work, passing business after business. I wasn’t looking for where to apply for a job, but where I wanted to spend my time happily employed. The more business I passed, the more I felt called to my favorite deli, Stasio’s. The last time I had a little money I popped over there for one of their slices of lasagna (which easily feeds me for three days). I remember seeing a help wanted sign for a dishwasher, part time. Yes, I think that’s where I want to work, doing just that. Mindlessly left alone to scrub dishes. No pressure.
I feel really excited about this. I am excited about being capable of taking care of myself, enjoying myself with a little extra money….even if it is just enough to buy a simple soda.
A few bucks and I’m good to go. And that shouldn’t be a problem. Nothing I just listed is a problem….just little ripples in the fabric of life that can be easily ironed out.
On the embroidery front, I am happily working on this piece. Oh, I do so love the idea for this one. I want to do something in homage to the forest. Something with only leaves and stems, moss and undergrowth, antlers and ivey. I’m going to ask for $100 when it’s finished. You can go ahead and reserve it now, if you’d like. Just send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you do reserve this piece, I’ll race to Metro PCS right now, get this phone turned on, and will love you for life. (UPDATE! The cushion has been reserved! Yay!)
Or, you can always toss a few coins into your favorite artist’s ball cap 🙂 Thank you for all of the encouragement!