If you don’t follow my social media, then perhaps you aren’t aware that I’ve been knitting a teddy bear….
It has been nearly 8 months since I’ve knit a teddy bear. I hilariously had to go look up my own pattern. Can you imagine? Holding the needles with a pause, I laugh while whispering to myself, “What the hell do I do next????”
There were so many things on my mind as I started this little one, let alone if I could remember how to knit him up. There were so many other things. Would we recognize each other, would we be able to help each other. The more his face came to life the more I felt like I had received a message from a decades old friend that I had a falling out with. I smiled….You remember why you’re old friends: you pop into each other’s lives when you need them, despite whatever happened in the past. Because you truly do love each other.
Closer and closer to complete, he comes alive with that very reminder. I need him, more than he needs me and he knows that. So, he had no problem coming back to help me out.
I have about three weeks to find a new place. Not a lot of time, at all. I didn’t even need to think about it, didn’t even feel any panic. I grabbed some yarn and asked God, “Please bring back my friend. He’s always been there for me when I needed him, and I sure could use him right now.”
And with but a few hiccups, my little bear is showing up in bits and pieces, but in fine time. I caught myself staring at his face. I was mesmerized, wondering how we left things with each other and if he would care. But, it’s as if teddy bears can say with a glance of strong pride, “I’m a teddy bear. I’m here to help.”
These teddy bears have not only saved my life, but have also reached down to help me up a rung every single time. My teddy bear is going to help me find a new place. He always has. This bear is already spoken for, but expect to see a lot of him and others like him over the next weeks. When he does help me, I plan to make sure this little bear has the time of his life. I’m going to make sure he gets the celebration he deserves.
This bear also reminded me of a young adult book I wrote a few years ago. I hadn’t thought much about it lately, but while working on this bear I popped open a copy of “The Teddy Bear That Saved Me,” just to see what I was thinking while writing it. There is more of a detailed account of my childhood in that book, but what I thought was more beautiful was something akin to the present, and some hope for the future.
The little bear then jumped off the bed, sauntered across the room and climbed the chest to look out the window to see Jackson sitting with Phillip in the grass. Little wildflowers were all around them, the sun making all of their colors brighter than ever….The little bear said, “I really WANT to do something special for Jackson. I feel like I want to help him get better so much. Sooo much. It’s all I think about. I’d like to see them sit in the grass together forever, but Jackson won’t be able to if he’s sick….”
For a writer? I don’t know how often you look back at what you’ve written, but I certainly don’t. No, I’m too busy writing to read my own things, and wonderful things other authors have written to give interest in something I penned “a long time ago.”
But, how amazing something written so long ago….is so telling of now.
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