Rich in Talent, Poor in Self Worth

Strapped for cash, I decided to pull out my art, my skills, my abilities. I may not be good at being in public, but when I’m alone, I’d like to think I create amazing things…..

See? There is a problem with that sentence. “I’d like to think…”

I knew that would happen. The minute I sat down to write this blog post I could already sense a….”so sad” approach that I was ready to tend to.

20211003_154240There is no confidence in that statement, “I’d like to think.” As if I’m waiting for approval from someone. There is no bombastic sense of pride. And that seems to be a running problem with me. I’m  forever sabotaged by my own feeling of lack. What a horrible way to feel. I do not push myself into wishing for more self respect for the art that I do. That hinders me because it only allows me to function as an artist who starves, not blooms.

I don’t know when, not sure how, but somewhere recently I lost the sense of pride in what I do. As of now? I sell my wares for the basic necessities and if I can sell a bear for a couple of bucks, well, I get to eat that day, pay a bill.

And I’m a little tired of that. I’m a little tired of treating my own creativity as though it were just passable enough to get by with. Because I think I do exceptional work….

See? I did it again. “I think I do, but not quite sure, would someone else let me know????”

20211003_154323So, I sat myself down today, took this piece in hand and held it, understanding its catalogue of memories. I started on this piece back in the early part of this year, when I had just begun to embroider. The enthusiasm that enveloped me was intoxicating, luscious, like a ravenous lover that can’t get enough romance. I was listening to myself then, trying a new craft, finding a tremendous amount of passion in the subtle way the needle punched through the canvas with a damaging scratch, while leaving a trail of beauty in it’s stead.

(See? Now that last sentence? Yeah, I don’t think, I know I’m a good writer).

This jacket is nearly one year of growth and wisdom, of learning and desiring, and of all that gorgeous time spent in silence, solitude…..sometimes listening to nothing, sometimes listening to everything. It sings of a good 9 months of a desire to keep learning and learning and learning. Those touches of color, that festival of floss, those threads of thought all weaving into one piece is a reflection of where I began and where I am now. Always a student.

cdNow, like I said. I’m strapped for cash and could toss this up for just enough money for what I need. But, I’ve decided I won’t be doing that anymore. No, I’m worth a helluva lot more than basic necessities. I’m decidedly worth more than what I’ve told myself. I am rich in talent, but poor in self worth.

I am an exceptional writer, a brilliant knitter, and an amazing embroidery artist, because those talents reflect the life that I am. Interested, curious, provocative.

If you buy this jacket, I will love you for life. You’ll be helping me tend to a mend that is so needed. I will sell it to you as it is now, but I would love to keep working on it, completing the final panel where you see the hoop. From left to right you’d see 8 months of wanting to know more….And finally realizing what I’m worth.

Because if you do buy it, it would be first time in my life I sold something for what I felt I was worth….and not just selling something because I needed rent.

Click here if you’d like the jacket. Obviously there is only one.

If you appreciate my blog and would like for it to continue, please consider donating a little something. Every bit helps and I wouldn’t have the courage to do this without you. Thank you!

One comment

  1. It is a beautiful and stunning creation. I work with my hands as well and know that the effort and emotion that goes into a piece has no real “price”, but rather derives its value in the connection between artist and caretaker-of-the-piece. Someone will connect, be certain. Don’t second guess, don’t doubt, don’t panic….be patient…breathe.

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