Maybe Knit, Maybe Not

It’s about 6am, the start of a holiday week. People will be out rushing to get the last ingredients needed for a festive dinner, cars will get packed with luggage as people dart across the country to visit relatives and loved ones. Annual traditions will be relived once again.

Something about traditions around the holidays keep us grounded, that despite how disruptive our lives may be at the moment, we have traditions to return to, reminding many of us that normalcy will return.

For the first time in six years I’ll be spending this Thanksgiving alone. That’s not a terrible thing…not really. I did it for years. Even though Phillip and I still live together, he has other plans, as he heads to South Florida to be with his family. Our yearly tradition for Thanksgiving was to have a big meatloaf dinner with mashed potatoes and peas, sweet potato pie with cool whip, while we plop with TV trays in front of a laptop to watch disaster films. It will be sad to see that tradition end.

259178821_1016067635607027_4756233325518100999_nI certainly don’t plan to spend Thanksgiving that way. To begin with, that sort of dinner just isn’t in my budget. Secondly, it wouldn’t be as much fun watching things blow up without my best pal to laugh with. He’ll also be gone for a few days. That never happened when we were married. But, in terms of our emotional separation, it will feel like we’re both moving on, for it will be the first time in six years that he wasn’t at home for even a single day…

I don’t have a problem being alone, God knows an agoraphobic relishes that. But, this is the first holiday since our divorce, and everything feels different. Yes, Phillip may be here at the end of the day to watch Jeopardy with, but he won’t be with me for the holidays. He has his family and his new friends to create traditions with. And I am so very happy for him.

I think I might go to Stasio’s Wednesday and grab a slice of lasagna for my Thanksgiving dinner, maybe knit, maybe not…I don’t know yet. It may just be like any other day: a box of White Castle’s from 7-11. Maybe I’ll find a new tradition just for myself.

I’m not sad about all of this…not exactly. I’m just not pleased, if that makes any sense. I’m not happy, but I’m not upset either. Maybe a few days apart with help me understand what Phillip’s life would look like in mine if I finally did move out and on with my own life, leaving him to pursue his own endeavors. Maybe I’ll get a glimpse of what life post divorce really does look like. And that’s probably for the best.

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4 comments

  1. Gregory, This post makes me a bit misty eyed. I too will be alone during this coming holiday season, as I have been for many years. It is a particularly hard time of year for all of us single dwellers here on planet earth. I have lost in death, to 3 people I have known within the last month. So in that respect they were younger than me, I suppose I have that to be thankful for. I have recently bought 5 coturnix quail and have 15 eggs in an incubator due to hatch the first of the month. Patrick there are a lot of quail breeders in Florida. Check them out for me. I am hoping their eggs will be added income for me. You can start this very small and on a shoestring. Mention the coturnix quail in one of yur posts and I know you will get a positive response. Have a blessed holiday my dear, dear friend. Hugs, Tobias Ralph W Brown Eloy AZ tobiascorner@yahoo.com

  2. It will just be my hubby and myself. The same its been for the last 12 years. I have a brother 16 miles away and a sister-in-law 6 miles away, but for years they have other plans. I never see family at holiday time and I get very sad and depressed from Thanksgiving to New Years because I remember when it was different. And, at my T-Giving table, if a relative or friend had someone in their life that had no plans, they were invited to come over our house as well. I think there should be a club for people with no holiday plans so we can all get together ourselves.

  3. The first holidays after divorce are so hard. But can I tell you something ? When I was married, New Years was always busy, either seeing friends or going to one of our family’s homes, etc. the first New Years I was on my own, with just a couple of very tiny kids who to be frank weren’t at the age to actually have fun with yet, I was so depressed. I found a twilight zone marathon on tv and bought some frozen appetizers and that was my New Years. Watching twilight zone and crafting and eating frozen pigs in blankets and potato puffs, and do you know what? THAT is my tradition now. And I love it! I have more kids now and some of them are old enough to really enjoy our tradition but I love crafting al, day, watching twilight zone, eating appetizers all day, have a few drinks and contemplating the past year and the year to come. Like. It’s one of my favorite days now. And I’m generally the only adult in it. Now when people invite me out for New Years I have a moment of panic because that would really interfere with my plans, lol.

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