The Beautiful Things He Said

It has been a week since Phillip’s father died. And I’m happy to say that Phillip has been dealing with it much better than I had expected. Throughout his grieving, he has said some of the most beautiful things.

To begin with, he and I have both had friends die, grandparents die….but, this is the first time one of us has lost a parent. The suddenness of that death was jarring. No one woke up last Tuesday even thinking, suspecting, even slightly considering, that Allen would wake to go to work….but never make it.

Throw in Thanksgiving two days later and the whole scenario just seems the utmost in tragic. But, Phillip has handled the whole thing with more strength than I thought he was capable. Now, you may think that something of a slight against Phillip’s character, but I’ve lived with the man for seven years and he has never handled a crisis well.

This time was different. This crisis was absolute. There is no amount of bargaining, nor demanding, nor even emotion that can undo this moment. Phillip cried his eyes out, I right there beside him crying for him. But, through all of those tears he said some of the most beautiful things.

“If I truly believe in the things that come out of my own mouth, then I shouldn’t be crying….I should be rejoicing in his going home, all of his pain and suffering done with forever.” I held his left hand, as his right hand continually wiped away tears. “I hope he knows that I’m sorry for anything I did that might have disappointed him….but, I know he is in a place of total love and he doesn’t think about anything else but love for me.” And the sobbing would begin to subside….

In some ways, his grief was wrestling with the idea that his father was gone….but, somehow closer now. I saw an emotional maturity in his tugging feelings.

262812634_580040969758150_646555288625155842_nIn the last few days I’ve seen a difference in him that can only come from harsh reality. I’ve heard him discuss all the wonderful things he wants to do with his life. I’ve seen how solid he is when simple things that used to propel him into hysterics barely cause him to bat a lash. The boy in him has finally grown into a man.

He’s going to be heading down south to his father’s funeral in a few days. Transportation will be arranged through this amazing network of cousins that will piggy back him down to South Florida. He’s going to be missing three days of work, so I have the donate button up if you’d like to help him out. He wouldn’t ask, not for a million years. But, I know that’s going to be tough on him to miss that much work.

I care for him deeply, you all know this. I care for the man so much that even though divorced, our involvements in each other’s lives hasn’t changed. And of all the beautiful things he said, the one that hit me closest to the heart was, “Thanking for being here for me….I don’t know what I would have done.”

I clutched that big man close to my frail chest and said, “I can’t think of any reason why I wouldn’t have been.”

If you appreciate my blog and would like for it to continue, please donate. Every bit helps and I wouldn’t have the courage to do this without you. Thank you!

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