I was sitting outside working on my art. I don’t think I can stress enough how being outside, working like this, with my hands on new things, in new ways of speaking…oh, my. The enjoyment can’t be expressed enough. From the hours of 11 to 7, you’ll find me out on the lawn, under the golden rain tree with a needle and thread…..
My wildflowers have been popping with enthusiasm. (Don’t forget that word, “enthusiasm.”) Truly, every morning I spring out of bed with anxious anticipation to see who is new to the party, who bloomed today, what new color in my wild, mixed palate is showing some striking display. This old Haitian man pulls up with his car in a screeching halt.
He comes bursting up to my gate, “Sir! Sir! My beautiful lady has been admiring your sunflower for days. I made a promise to her that she could have anything in the world she wanted if she would proclaim her love for me. She asked for a beautiful flower like this…may I have it?”
I didn’t even blink. “Absolutely!” I could see his beautiful lady in the car just brighten with delight when she saw the fellow snatch that sunflower out of the ground. He thanked me with such sincerity, as a little tear came to her eye. Now, that’s love. Proclaim your love and I will give you anything! All I want is a simple flower. Then that is what you shall have!!!!
And I have plenty of them, have enjoyed the sunflower, taken pictures of it, embroidered it, and now it will fade into its sunset in the arms of someone who wanted it so…..Man. What a great feeling shared by all.
Which really makes the next half of this blog a real shit stirrer…..
Phillip comes bursting out the front door, “Did that man just walk up and steal your flower????”
“No, he asked if he could have it and I said he could.”
He stared at me for a second, went “pfff, idiot,” and walked back inside….
Ok. I guess we’re going to have one of those days. I didn’t want to have any sort of negative confrontation, because my days outside have been just too good to spoil with-
I decided I needed to go inside and get something to eat. I’m forcing myself to eat these days. I was at Publix and got on the scale and I haven’t been gaining weight, I’ve been losing weight. I’m at 102 right now. I’m stressed…..very stressed. And if you’ve read this blog long enough you know that when I’m stressed, I don’t eat.
So, as I go to make myself something to eat, Phillip and I begin to talk….and it does not go well.
It would be ridiculous to try and rehash the conversation now. To be fair, you’d only be getting my version of the events. You’d only be reading what I heard. In Phillip’s defense, I can tell you that his version is wrapped in a lot of fear. Allow me to say that it was shown that there is a lot of resentment between us. He truly resents that I am creative. “You pick up everything with such ease….” That is never said with boast, nor with pride. It is always said with a sneer. And my resentment towards him was that he would prefer to spend his time huddle in the dark on a couch watching anime, pissed at me for wanting to conquer my fears with enthusiastic joy! Yeah, I resent being treated like crap because I’m not as miserable as you.
The “event” (as I prefer to call it) that happened doesn’t need to be rehashed either. I will only say that his resentment towards me was no longer just an attitude, but became physical…..
And there are no excuses, no take backs. There is forgiveness when it happens once. There is a pattern developing however, when it happens twice….three times.
So, Phillip and I are parting ways. I ask that you pray we are both at least kind to each other through the transition. There is so much to consider, so many things to think about….we’ve been together for so long.
After, he asked if I was afraid of him.
I bluntly said, “No. I lived in fear of my father for the first 20 years of my life. I spent all of last summer going through a mental break down just to get over all of that crap, get it out of my system and move on with my life and finally be happy. I’ll be damned if I let myself go through that again. No, I’m not afraid of you, I’m leaving you, or rather, you’re leaving. The lease is up in 2 months, go ahead and consider your options, because I’m staying right here. I busted my ass for 10 years selling books and teddy bears to get to a place where I could just grow pretty flowers and be happy. I finally got it, and I ain’t letting it go for nothing. Honeychurch is mine. So, start considering your next move now, my friend…..Because I ain’t going nowhere. I love you, I truly do. But I will not live with you.”
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