Ok, so this happened about an hour ago. You do realize I haven’t spoken in six days…..that was until today. Phillip and I were decorating our Christmas Boxwood. We were calling it our Christmas bush, but kept giggling every time we called it that. You know how boys are….
And in the midst of all of that, I inadvertently blurted something out. I don’t recall what it was, don’t even remember if it was important. But, it was terrifyingly God awful. It came out barely a whisper, a shouted silence, a scratching hint at something called a voice. And after six days, you can imagine we were dismayed. We both looked at each other. Silence wasn’t going to help my voice. After this long, this attempt was not going to work. We went back to decorating our Christmas tree. I silently smiled as the adorable little thing came to life. Our tree was resembling something of small Edwardian carnival, all by accident. All by using what we had. But the silence in the room tainted something greater. Where there should be laughter, there was none. Where there should be joyous song, only the clinking of ornaments to where they were hung were sung.
We sat back, spied on our little blythe of a bush….and something shifted. Yes, in these last two months with no voice I sat solemn, walked with an arched back, looked downward. But tonight, I stood with posture firm. Reaffirmed my diaphragm. And said with some clarity I have not known in eight weeks, “What if I changed the timber and tone of my voice? What if…..”
YES! You could hear me. YOU COULD HEAR ME! It sounded so nearly as my own voice.
Phillip looked to me with wide eyes, “Holy shit…..That sounded like you!!!”
We tried it again, as some experiment. I sat in a chair, used my lungs. No good. Voice was horrible. I strengthened my back, utilized my diaphragm and BOOM you could hear me speak, albeit sounding slightly labored, you could hear me in a voice that was closer to mine than silence. Phillip says I sound deeper than I used to, but I was clear, loud, so different than the last eight weeks.
I actually began to cry. I had been so terrified that this was a condition that would last for the rest of my life, and I had resigned to that, surely. I wasn’t mad. Just a little sad. Worse things could have happened. (*and someone said to me recently, “isn’t losing your voice for a short while NORMAL after having a little cold?” Lady, are you serious? Two months ain’t a little time…..)
SO! I’m in an exceptionally good mood. I’m not going to go around reciting passages from my favorite books. I’ll keep the throat warm, keep on with my therapies for the next week, talk only when necessary, but it was just such a promising victory that I had to share. I could HEAR myself. 🙂 I’ll post a video tomorrow, can’t now for its already dark, and we’re ready for our “Chili and Movie Night.”
Yay! Perhaps it was my tenacity….perhaps it was your prayers and well wishes. 🙂
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